


Dear Saihara~

by AGeekyBear



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 27,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23455705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGeekyBear/pseuds/AGeekyBear
Summary: They always said life was unfair.Shuichi Saihara is about to discover how true that statement is, and what it means to be forgotten as he tracks down a mystery left by his classmate Kokichi Ouma.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 26
Kudos: 148





	1. Letter One

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally posted on Wattpad under the name AGeekyBear

_Sometimes life is confusing. One moment you can be having the time of your life! And the next something slaps you in the face and beats you to a curb and you're wondering: Should I have eaten that sketchy looking sushi? Or maybe something more normal like: why me? You never really know how things will turn out. For the better or worse, I mean some things you can predict and run for it, and other times it's just surprised. You wish you could change things, reverse time itself. But we're just stuck dwelling in our present forever or going forward with our lives. No one else can make that choice...no one except you._

**~-~-~-~-~**

Saihara's POV:

I walked into class like normal, I could already tell how cheerful everyone was before I even opened the door due to how I could hear any of them from a mile away, I'm starting to become scared of lawsuits. Like Shinguji was planning a seance, something about contacting some of the dead I don't want to be involved in that, Yonaga and her student council praying to Atua/worshipping Atua, and Akamatsu was talking about an upcoming piano recital to Amami. Everything was nice and peaceful for the most part, just some high schoolers having some fun before school starts, no one was yelling or shouting or insulting one another. And that's why something feels wrong...for once when it's peaceful, something I have prayed for since the day I entered this school...is unnerving. I feel tenser than when everything is in chaos...how ironic. I sighed, oh well.

At least I could pinpoint what exactly was missing from everyday life, one of the main catalysts that earned our class: The Destructive ones and all the chaos that followed usually happened right next to me or I would get dragged in. Not today though. Today Harukawa wasn't chasing down Ouma for some prank he pulled on her, Iruma was chatting with Kiibo without a care in the world instead of cursing at Ouma, or as per usual and Momota wasn't losing his mind with whatever Ouma would have pulled or said to him by now. Instead, Harukawa and Momota are in the corner talking about something, Harukawa giving the occasional eye-roll maintaining the calm atmosphere. The source of most of the other classes entertainment wasn't here, commonly known as Kokichi Ouma.

Also known as the purple gremlin, but we don't talk about that. Ouma wasn't at school today, in all honesty, he hasn't come for a while now, one day he was just joking around and making paper cranes from his test papers, or drinking enough Panta to kill someone, and the next day...he's nowhere to be seen. It's not like no one tried to get in contact with him, Kiibo was one of the people who tried the hardest to get ahold of him on his phone only to be lead onto voicemail, but no one was concerned. This wasn't the first time Ouma ditched school for some untold reason or warning, just last year he disappeared and came back saying he tried to finish One Piece. And failed.

So on now the third week of Ouma's disappearance with not even a clue as to what he's doing this time...well it's high school and with high school comes all the gossip of the world. It's high school, so I guess it's only natural. Some people conspired he was expelled, it's possible seeing as most of the staff either found Ouma amusing or hated him with every fiber of their being, or just suspended finally for all the pranks he has pulled recently (the paint one was the most offensive). Like the one last year, the fountain...the memory was still haunting me. Others theorized he might have moved or transferred.

Their evidence being since Ouma didn't have any friends why would he bother telling us or saying goodbye? I know Ouma wouldn't do that though, he was the type for the dramatics. Then some just guessed he was sick or ditching. Again the two-week anime binge, that seemed the most likely to me, Ouma never seemed to like school very much, back when we used to hang out more he would tell me he just wasn't interested in what the school wanted or expected from him. He often described it as hell on one of his more dramatic days. I miss those days. I sat down at my desk and checked my bag for all my books.

Occasionally giving a glance over at the empty desk next to me. Ouma's desk right beside the window. It was a noticeable change seeing as I could finally pay attention in class again without his napping or telling jokes, or the time he drew Godzilla on the window when it was all foggy from the rain. Still, I missed him. I missed him joking around...so maybe I should say sorry soon then...someone has to be the first one to make the move...but no he should apologize first, it was his fault what happened in the first place. And if he decided some prank meant more than our friendship, that's fine by me.

I shook my head trying to concentrate and was starting to get out of my work and start the day when I noticed an envelope sticking out of my desk. Curiously I took it out. It was childish, to say the least. The envelope was drawn all over in crayons, with little pictures of an organization and a drawing of Ouma waving hello to me his chibi had on a black hat and cape. The vibe I got from it made me smile. In the center was a large number one in permanent marker. Curiosity overwhelming me I opened it up.

_**Dear Saihara~** _

_What? It is a letter?_ _Not some elaborate prank he somehow put in an envelope? That's weird._ No one writes letters anymore except my Uncle, but he's always been old fashioned... I continued reading.

_**And if you're not Saihara hands-off stop reading or I'll sick my organization against you!** _

Yup. This was definitely from Ouma.

_**Hey Saihara! Remember me? I hope you do if my beloved detective forgot about me that would break my heart! Don't be a jerk Saihara chan!** _

I laughed a little on the side of that text was a drawing of Ouma with his crocodile tears asking 'why Saihara?' It made me chuckle a little.

_**Hey, remember when we were kids? You and I were best friends! You used to hide under that dumb old hat of yours! And I would always have to steal it away from you! Seriously Shumai I hated that stupid hat! You looked so cute without it :p** _

I rolled my eyes at his flirtatious teasing he was known for.

Wait we were childhood friends? I didn't remember that, and Ouma never brought that up with me before. A tiny sense of suspicion made me wonder if that was a lie or not. Still, this would be a weird one even for him unless he got some kind of gain. Wait a second did he just call me cute?

_**And that space obsessed weirdo was still an idiot back then too! He would always scream that he was going to go to space! Idiot. At least he didn't blab about the power of friendship all the time back then or steal my beloved Saihara Chan from me. As much as he annoys me though I'm glad I knew enough science stuff to tell him that the Earth was flat. How long did he believe that for? At least till third grade right? Remember how angry he was when he saw me grinning and we ended up running across the school?** _ _**That idiot never checked the tree though, idiot how long did it take him to lookup?** _

I held back laughter, the day Momota figured out the earth wasn't flat and saw Ouma's grin he ended up chasing him around the school for the entire recess period, Ouma hid in the single tree we had and he wouldn't come down for hours till the fire department came and the teacher bribed him with candy. Ouma the entire time was screaming 'the Earth is flat' to Momota's anger. The next day after Ouma was 'rescued' from the tree Harukawa came into the mix and nearly choked Ouma because of how much he annoyed the two. At the time a bit deserved.

We used to play a game remember? We would build a giant pillow fort and you would bow before me! It was amazing, you would say 'yes your highness' with the cutest little stutter.

_**I was the king of sleep! I stole that title from one of my best friends by the way. She wasn't very happy with me when I told her I used it for our games, I had to give her a dozen cookies for her to make up with me. But it was worth it! You were the best servant ever Saihara Chan! It made me not send you to Siberia!** _

_Did I do all those things?_

I did have a faint recollection of Ouma wearing a silly paper crown when we were kids. I still remember his big grin, he was missing one of his front teeth back then and he always had a bandage on because of how much he played dangerous games, and well his fights with Momota and Harukawa. He was really cute. Wait what am I thinking?

_**We were best friends back then...you forgot about that, didn't you? You were the coolest friend ever. If this wasn't a lie then I felt even worse. How could I forget if I had ever been friends with Ouma? I guess I can only blame us growing up. My mind reflected last year. The feeling of dread only grew as regret started to creep in... Just kidding! I didn't need you! Did you think I was sad Saihara Chan? You must be dense XD** _

That sounded right. I instantly groaned realizing how this must have all been some sort of lie.

_**I just want to play a game with you Saihara. It's a fun one I promise! Or is that a lie? I don't know if I believe that. Ouma's idea of fun is...interesting to say the least. I hid these letters all around town! It's your job to find them all and follow all my directions ok? When you do you get to find your beloved supreme leader! Even if you find me just so you can beat me up I still will be waiting :P** _

_Beat him up? Why would I want to do that? Is it...because of what I said? Does he think I'm still mad? I need to fix things between us, we're graduating soon for peep sake._

_**So here's a little riddle for Shumai. Or a clue, guess, I don't know all your fancy dictionary words like 'imagery' or 'punctuation' so you can just tell me what it is when you find me ok? I'm hidden in a castle of dreams. Good luck Saihara! I hope you find me soon I can't wait much longer!** _

_**From, Kokichi Ouma** _

As much as I usually avoided childish games like this I admitted to liking the challenge. Fine. I will play this game with him. If only to make him come back in time for finals week. Someone needs to help me before I lost my mind over calculus.


	2. Letter Two

**Saihara's POV:**

**_I'm hidden in a castle of dreams._ **

_ A castle of dreams? Oh boy, you're not going to make this easy for me are you Ouma?  _ I don't have that much experience when it comes to riddles or trick questions, most of my experience coming from when I used to spend time with Ouma. 

I was completely clueless about what exactly I was supposed to do, so I ended up searching the whole letter for twenty minutes, trying to find any type of clue or hint on where exactly I am supposed to do.

It was a fun challenge for me, the most fun I had in a while till finally, a certain section stood out to me.

**_We used to play a game remember? We would build giant pillow forts and you would bow before me!_ **

**_I was the king of sleep!_ **

_This has to be it! It must be at our old daycare. The whole letter not only describes our time together at the daycare but also mentions that we used to make pillow forts and he called himself the king of sleep._

It was the only guess I had, none of my other ideas fit in as cleanly as this...and the fact it worked so well had me doubtful that this was the right answer. 

If there was one thing that was always true about Ouma, it's that he was complicated. And that also remained true with anything he had a hand in, whether that be the games he made up or the pranks he pulled.

It was the trait that drew me to him in the first place. But this contradicted that, it was just...well easier than I could have expected. _Is he going easy on me? If that's true then maybe the riddles will get harder to solve as I go on?_

"Ok class take out your math books and turn to page sixty-two" Ms. Yukizome called walking in, snapping me out of my thoughts I had completely lost track of time as the class quit talking and making it to their seats. 

I sighed feeling disappointed as I lingered over the letter and the drawings that covered it. It was so tempting to just go out and discover what this was leading to at lunch, but...I couldn't do that.

I had more important things to do than the letter. For all I knew, it would lead to nowhere and would be revealed to be a prank from Ouma. So I put the letter into my bag and carried on with my day, putting Ouma out of my mind.

-/-/-

Class dragged on longer than normal today, and I made up my mind that I was going to follow through on the letter. I pulled out my phone and looked up a route towards the old daycare and right as I was going to set out I heard someone call for me.

"Hey Saihara where are you going?" Akamatsu called looking at me confused.

Akamatsu was my neighbor, and we had been walking home together since we met in elementary school, sometimes with the addition of her boyfriend Amami.

"I'm...I am going to the library to study for our test on Friday" I lied. She stared at me, questioning the truth of my statement. I felt myself sweating before she finally just nodded.

"Ok see you later," she said with a smile as she turned around and headed home.

_ Why did I just lie?  _ I don't know what came over me to lie about Ouma's note. Maybe because he probably considered it private or I just wanted the challenge of figuring it out for myself.

Whatever it was...it just felt right to be doing this on my own. He asked me to find him after all, not Akamatsu...but if it gets hard I will go to them.

I headed downtown.

-/-/-/-

After getting lost for more than twenty minutes I finally made it. I was surprised the daycare was still running and in the window was an old woman cleaning up inside. I stepped inside a bell ringing behind me as I entered as she turned to face me confused.

"Hello?" An old woman greeted and I looked down shy, "uh sorry to bother you, ma'am I was wondering if someone left a letter here a while ago?" I asked as I pulled out the last letter, "it looks a bit like this?" I told her pointing at it.

She looked at it for a bit before snapping her fingers "oh yes...some weird child came and asked me if I could give it to someone who asked for it...let me go get it" she told me as she went into the staff room.

She came back with another letter, "Is this it?" she asked,  I nodded, "t-thank you" I mumbled and she smiled, "have a good day," she told me and I left the room.

I decided to walk to the nearby park across the street before opening the letter, o n it was Ouma dressed as Sherlock Holmes with a little magnifying glass as he seemed to follow a trail of purple footsteps all across the envelope. In the center was the number two.

**_Dear Saihara~_ **

**_Hey, you found me! I knew my beloved detective could do it! Or did I? Maybe I thought you would give up immediately, maybe I thought someone would take it and throw it away, maybe I thought a dog would eat it thinking it's a kid's homework? Who knows, I am a liar._ **

_Are you serious Ouma? A dog?_ But I smirked while reading this I could practically hear his laughter and see his cheeky grin just by reading this.

**_You and I used to be friends. But you knew that from the last letter didn't you Saihara chan? You were my first ever friend Saihara!_ **

**_And even now every time I tease you, you keep on turning red because of how embarrassed you get! It's hilarious!_ **

I groaned and rolled my eyes. Of course, he would find it amusing. Wait...I was his first friend? I couldn't believe it. Ouma had always been energetic and outgoing in ways I had never been, but I was the opposite just a quiet and shy kid. Maybe it was a case of opposites attract.

**_We did a lot together like you were the one who taught me about detectives and told me stories, and I taught you all about the best ice cream places in town! But you always got in trouble because of that._ **

_I wish I could remember any of this..._

**_I missed you when I had to go away a lot back then and every time I left you had made more friends, you grew closer to other people...you grew... on the bright side, I never went to school back then! Suckers! It was also during that time_ ** **_I got to jump-start my career as a phantom thief by stealing Momota's dessert! It was really good, one of the only homemade desserts I ever had._ **

Oh yeah...he was absent from school more back then. H e was always in and out of school for reasons he never explained, usually lasting a week or more. I never really understood why, but I lost interest when he stopped doing that around middle school. It's not like he was at school every day of the year, he sometimes left for a few days randomly, and in high school, he became a confirmed ditcher.

**_Then other people started talking to you, like Bakamatsu, Guacamole, and Space Idiot. Maybe it was because I wasn't there that often, but the longer I was away the less often we spent time together._ **

**_They turned you into an idiot! Meanies D: <_ **

**_You're lucky I didn't send my organization on you for missing our tea breaks! You evil monster!_ **

Guilt flooded over me as I imagined Ouma back then, how he was alone. It wasn't like I did it on purpose, forgetting him...but... I can't believe I forgot about him.

**_Just kidding :p_ **

**_Hah did you fall for that stupid lie Saihara chan? Anyways I got a little secret for you in the next letter and if you tell anyone I'll hang you by your toes to the roof._ **

**_That isn't a threat it's a promise, got it? Ok here's your riddle._ **

**_Time keeps going forward_ **

**_Look where we can turn backward._ **

**_Good luck Shumai! And if you're a random person...SHOO!_ **

**_From,_ **

**_Kokichi Ouma_ **

I laughed at the last part as I put the letter in my bag taking in the scenery...in the distance, there were some kids playing games in the nearby jungle gym. 

_ When I see Ouma again I'll apologize...and maybe we can be friends again. _


	3. Letter Three

**Saihara's POV:**

**_Time keeps going forward,_ **

**_Look where we can turn backward._ **

So it turns out I was right, the riddles would get more difficult. I would be lying if I said I wasn't stumped for a bit. Ouma turned out to be pretty good at making riddles or maybe I'm just bad at guessing. I think it's both.

Joking aside I'm really curious as to what he will tell me in the next letter, maybe some more information about our childhood? It would follow the trend of the last two. Or if it's finally revealed as some kind of prank he is pulling, it wasn't out of character for him in the slightest.

This time there didn't seem to be any sort of hints given in the previous letter, which left me on my own. _Oh boy...knowing Ouma it could range from me having to fight a tiger for this or under some fast food resturant...come on thinking Saihara...you are supposed to become a detective for goodness sake! How can you do that if you can't even solve a riddle?!_ _Wait for a second...look where we can go backward...so maybe something like photographs?_

 _No that makes it to open-ended...it seems more like a collection...wait._ Finally, then a potential answer hit me.

Every year our school district provides the younger students with cheap and sometimes even free yearbooks. And in high school, Ms. Yukizome gave the class a yearbook every single year. Maybe Ouma left his letter in one of them?

It was the only possible answer I could think of...but then a thought occurred to me.

Ouma, who hasn't been in school or at least seen in school for weeks somehow hid that letter inside my desk, and even inside of the school potentially. _Is he really gone then? What is he even doing? His last letter was pretty depressing...is he trying to tell me something?_

I had some concerns but I decided to brush them off, Ouma would probably tell me when I see him.

Maybe my deduction is just wrong. Still, I guess better safe than sorry, and the sooner I go and find Ouma the sooner I can put my mind at ease.

-/-/-/-

"Oh Saihara you're here late did you need help with the homework?" Ms. Yukizome asked as I walked into the classroom, I shook my head. It was late in the afternoon and I was surprised I had even been let into the school grounds 

"No...I just needed to pick something up" I told her nervously. I know this was technically not a lie but I felt bad for how I'd been lying to people today. Ms. Yukizome stared at me for what seemed like a minute before her eyes drifted towards the second letter I still held tightly in my hand as I felt myself sweating.

"Oh, come over here, you won't find it with the other yearbooks," she told me as she walked over to the desk, pulling out one of the drawers she took out what seemed to be a large shoebox.

"You're in on this?" I asked and she nodded, "well, I wouldn't say in on it, I know just a little more than you. The box was left on my desk one morning with clear instructions on what to do with it from the devil himself Ouma" she told me.

"Do...do you know where he is?" I asked "yes, of course, I do I am his teacher," she said not making eye contact as she grabbed books from the box-checking them. "Can you tell me where he is then? Or what happened? I just want to know if he's ok or not or why he's even sending me these..." I asked and she laughed sadly, "I'm sorry Saihara I can't tell you," She told me sadly.

I sighed, "I just want to see him" I admitted and Ms. Yukizome gave me a sad smile. "Even if he didn't tell me not to tell you where he is...I still wouldn't have...it's Ouma's secret to tell Saihara, hear it as he intended" she advised me as she handed over the shoebox to me. _Hear it as he intended..._

"Ok...thank you Ms. Yukizome," I told her. She nodded  "Well I'll be here for another hour so you can read them in here for an hour or so ok?" She told me, "after that, you have to go home it's getting late and I know you didn't do your homework" she teased.

I nodded and sat down at my desk, and opened up the shoebox and saw letter three waiting. Letter Three had a large hourglass in its center with a chibi Ouma looking at it confused as the grains of sand trickled down, along with the hourglass little snips of what reminded me of old films of memories, only I couldn't make out what they were exactly.

**_Dear Saihara~_ **

**_Oh, so Ms. Yukizome didn't blab my secrets to the world! Otherwise, you wouldn't have bothered reading this would you have Saihara? if she did then I have a punishment for treason lined up- get ready for this...I'll do my homework. Now that's a nightmare Saihara. ALSO, see Saihara I told you DICE had ten thousand members all loyal to their supreme leader!_ **

_Already huh?_ I couldn't help smile as Ouma boasted about the imaginary secret organization he always claimed to have.

**_But you're here for the juicy and dirty stuff, aren't you? Wanna find some skeletons in my closet eh? Fine! HALLOWEEN IS COMING EARLY THIS YEAR!_ **

**_Inside that box, you'll find all my yearbooks up till now. Along with some other things that I kept. Consider it a nice little trip down memory lane! I always saw it that way!_ **

**_The student body has given me a lot of unique presents over the years Saihara chan! I'm so popular!_ **

I laughed, I doubted that, to be honest sometimes it looks like they want to strangle poor Ouma. Mainly that was after his pranks though, Ouma always seemed to plan the ones that would get on their nerves the most, for example, the time he dressed the other classrooms up as Easter, a western pub, and a metal concert to the faculties distress.

**_So once you've read all the books and seen my gifts read the second page of this letter, ok Saihara? If you peek you're an evil monster! Like those people who spoil movies for me! Don't be a monster Saihara Chan! D: <_ **

**_You started this and kept going out of pure curiosity I bet, now it's time to swear your undying loyalty to me in exchange for free entertainment and secrets!_ **

**_See you in a bit :D_ **

I placed the letter down respecting his wishes, along with not being an 'evil monster' and took out all the yearbooks, some seemed to have weird bulges in them.

Ouma seemed to have arranged them for me, the one on top being what looked like his first one as they all trailed down to our current grade.

Nothing stood out there, to be honest. I didn't know what I was supposed to be looking for either, the yearbook just had squiggly handwriting comments from everyone one in the class at the time. Then I saw mine.

**_Ouma es mi best friend- fom Saihara_ **

I felt my face heat up. _Why? Why did I have such bad spelling back then? It even looks like Spanish!_ I set that one aside and turned over to first grade. Same thing really, just fewer signatures. Same with second grade...then came what I think Ouma was trying to tell me. Third grade, it at first seemed to be normal, nice comments of 'Have a nice break!' until some stood out to me, notes written in permanent marker were covered in blue tape...and I could see why.

**_No one likes you._ **

**_You're not funny._ **

**_Go away!_ **

My heart sank a bit, why would someone leave messages like this in his yearbook? It's one thing just not to put anything...but here they were plainly insulting him.

Fourth grade wasn't much better, I noticed I made no appearances at all in third grade so what was I expecting?  A few more hateful messages directed towards him.

Fifth grade...

I looked at what they did to his front page in shock. In big letters in permanent ink, they wrote one word.

**_Freak_ **

Underneath were agreements and more insults from what seemed to be other classes and mean spirited doodles. _I know Ouma can be a handful but...does he deserve this? No one can possibly deserve this!_

I usually sat next to Ouma. And I know I never left him something hateful in his yearbook, I just put what I put for everyone to have a nice vacation...I never looked at what people wrote...never wondered why Ouma made me sign on a separate page...he claimed it was to make sure they were all signed but now...I think I know why. Sixth grade was when I lost it. All positive messages were gone except mine which was stashed away in the bottom corner, my handwriting was so tiny I never would have noticed it if it weren't for one thing.

It was outlined in purple ink, making it look like a little cloud.

But the rest of his messages were curse words more insults. They even defaced his class photo, with offensive language and making a...is that a rope around his neck? _Oh god..._

Seventh grade.

I finally knew what those bulges were. A white flower that had been dried was inside the cover page. I read all about this in stories and newspapers, about what those flowers meant... _they were telling him to die..._

The profanity grew and several messages were telling Ouma to kill himself.

Eighth grade, more flowers. More profanity. More pictures telling Ouma to die.

Ninth grade...that yearbook wasn't even a yearbook. It was covered in so much tape that the little words I could see from beyond the drawings Ouma put over them made me disgusted. Inside was even more flowers...

All the other years from then on were the same, full of profanity and hateful messages and even more flowers. I couldn't take it, this was wrong and disgusting. I know Ouma does pranks that aren't always taken well but that couldn't justify this treatment of him. _How...how had Ouma survived such harsh bullying?_ _How had I never notice?_

Desperate to escape the yearbooks I opened his letter again hoping for answers, some kind of words that would comfort me or help me process what I had just seen.

**_Did you read it Saihara? Did you see all my presents? The flowers smelled so nice by the way. And I once made my science project on dying them a different color since I had a large supply._ **

**_Sadly you didn't get to see them all, I guess I didn't find this collection valuable when I was younger._ **

**_They also wrote a lot of inspirational messages too on my desk! I used like two hundred Clorox wipes at least over the years!_ ** **_Did you know everyone's favorite game back then Saihara chan? It was called throw rocks and water at Ouma!_ **

**_They all got high scores no matter how fast I ran. It's ok though! My organization will take them out one day! They won't get the final laugh, Saihara Chan!_ **

**_Don't worry, you're not on the hit list. Because you didn't do anything wrong to me, so you'll be spared :D_ **

_Ouma...I'm sorry. I wish I had known about this and stopped it...this was going too far. I don't care if you're not mad at me...I did nothing. We used to be friends apparently, and I did nothing. Even if I wasn't your friend, we were classmates...I should have done anything._

**_Did I tell you about the number of times I tripped and fell down the stairs over the years Shumai?_ **

**_You probably know so I don't have to explain. Ok detective, what do you think?_ **

**_Did you like what you found out? This is the complete and 100% truth about my life Saihara Chan. It's not that bad though, that's what I want to think anyway. I never saw many other points of comparison when it came to yearbooks._ **

It made me feel sick.

_**Being serious, Saihara...you're one of the only people who ever wrote something nice in my yearbooks. It cheered me up, so thanks.** _

_**Wow, this has been depressing! Seriously Saihara Chan that was embarrassing...so let's move on to our next riddle! Then I want you to do something ok?** _

_**The one-room where it** **shows exactly as you see yourself as.** _

_**Here's a hint: it smells of crap.** _

_The bathroom_...I looked over to Ms. Yukizome. She was waiting for me to leave. School had ended hours ago and the sun had long set I'll have to find the next one tomorrow.

I returned to the letter.

_**Saihara chan. Take that box and everything that was in it except that letter and burn it. Burn it and smores while doing it because smores are yummy :D** _

_**It's a win-win scenario!** _

_**As for what you read that never leaves us. It dies with the fire. No one will ever know about this. Got it? I will send you to Siberia if you tell on me D: <** _

_**I don't care how you get rid of it, by the way, you heard what I prefer, make smores come on! How could you pass those up? I don't want those yearbooks to ever see the light of day again.** _

_**Thanks for reading :D** _

_**From,** _  
_**Kokichi Ouma** _

I took a deep breath and nodded. _I will. I will also tell Momota to be nicer along with Harukawa even though I know they didn't leave messages or flowers._

_I will make things better for you. I promise._

At least that's what I kept repeating to myself as I saw the sparks of fire dance up in the night sky as those yearbooks and flowers burned. There weren't any smores though.


	4. Letter Four

**Saihara’s POV**

I walked back into school, rubbing my tired eyes. Usually, I would have spent most of the night studying for the finals and doing my homework. It’s true still, I had done my homework if only out of routine but my hand kept coming back to the letters, it was such an alluring puzzle, a rare glimpse at the true psyche of the liar was almost hard to put down.

I made sure the letters were put away and hidden inside of my bag. I don't know what compelled me to take all of them with me, realistically I only needed the third. If anything it made taking all three more of a liability, it risked someone else finding them and Ouma’s buried secrets being revealed. 

I could betray him again.

But...I felt compelled to take all three. I thought these letters would only be a childish game. Some riddles and Ouma teasing me and then he would probably lead me to a dark alleyway and scare me. We would go through our bits, I would scold him for doing something so immature and for skipping school while he would just grin at me. Then he'd come back saying how he made my heart 'die' with worry and everything would go back to normal. But Ouma was never personal.

The letters are told with the language of a child, Ouma practically is an imp or a child. Ouma however also is a person of secrets, secrets that may not be pleasant...so I should have known what I was getting into.

He never talked about himself. Like his home life or more in-depth about his organization. He was friendless and always weaseled out of personal questions.

Those should have been warning signs. But I didn't do it, I didn't even notice the bullying. Was it from our class?

I know Momota and Harukawa, Ouma's prominent 'enemies'. They weren't bullies though, for all the times Harukawa threatened Ouma it was only out of Ouma's previous pranks or poking fun at her. It was never unprovoked, and while there have been near chokeholds, it never went further than that...I trust that it never went further than that. They would never go that far. It was out of character. The other classes of our school I rarely saw, I guess I can thank how introverted I was.

I often heard how those classes adopted a more serious persona, and have ‘no sense of humor’ at least that’s what Ouma used to tell me. When it came to school dances, Ouma would never show up for those events, he used to tell me it was because the people who went were dull. When our class tried to show ‘school spirit’ as Akamatsu had called it, Ouma would always shut down those ideas or shift the conversation.

Mainly with insulting his likely only real enemy from our class Iruma, usually Ouma would later pop in and call her a slut and she would get flustered. He would always do that when someone tried to bring someone from another class. Afterward, someone would scold him. Usually Akamatsu or Tojo. And that would be the end of it.

It made sense now. Why would he want bullies like that invading his life more?

I changed my shoes and moved through the day as quickly as possible till it was finally lunch.

I opened the third letter and read the riddle again.

**_The one-room where it shows exactly as you see yourself as._ **

**_Here's a hint: it smells of crap._ **

It confused me at first, But I immediately thought of maybe a mirror, after all looking at one shows a perfect reflection unlike the school fountain or a window, I had the genual idea but I had high hopes it was  _ anything  _ but that

But I dismissed the thought for a bit. The boy’s bathroom was heavily damaged and graffitied. The mirror wasn't even clear anymore as the janitors gave up cleaning it, and it was also cracked through the center.

Still. It had to be a mirror, I convinced myself. Somewhere in this school, there had to be some kind of room with a mirror that somehow was connected to Ouma. 

I patrolled the halls searching every nook and cranny that I could find. No mirrors with misleading letters. I should have expected this though if the letter was that easy to find then Ouma’s secrets would have become public knowledge by now. 

I was about to give up for the day, and rescan the letters or even reconsider the meaning of the riddle he had given me when I realized something. I wasn't thinking about where Ouma would go and do throughout the day. It's where I would go. Of course, I wouldn’t find anything with that kind of mindset.

Subconsciously I had only stayed at the safe areas where I wouldn't feel any dread. The areas that had my friends nearby, and strayed away from the other student’s hangouts, and other areas for the other years. But our school most importantly has two sides or rather two buildings.

Being over a hundred our school had gone over many renovations and the older part has long been abandoned, and it laid now in the grounds. The students were banned from entering, and as suspected it stopped no one from using the area as a place for delinquents, and now more likely the more I pondered, purple-haired liars. The building however was a hazard and it was going to be taken down or renovated by the end of the year.

No one usually went over there during the day or while class was happening, which worked out perfectly now. Ignoring how I would be late to class I headed over to the eerie and aging structure.

The windows had been blocked off with newspapers and flyers, and the tried and true method of duck tape. The wooden walls scratched with initials of couples, and I could see the belongings of far gone alumni as I tried to steady my nerves searching for any sort of bathroom.

At the edge of the building, half-covered with a bookshelf which had only been left with what seemed like comic books and an  _ English  _ encyclopedia was the bathroom door. At the front of the door were some paint chips, curious I opened them.

The whole bathroom was probably once painted an old beige color, however, what I stepped into was instead what seemed like something out of wonderland, the wall was painted over with all sorts of paints, ink, and even spray paint, making me wonder just how many hours had been spent here.

The drawings, varying from childlike drawings to more artistic and developed. It even reminded me of Yonaga's work though hers had much more advanced techniques and better overall. Still, I honestly preferred the drawings here. As for the stalls and decor, while the plumbing had remained intact, there was a makeshift hammock made out of an old curtain hanging from the walls with some manga strewn about, which made me believe the bookshelf was used by the same culprit who did this, there was some homework abandoned and on the ceiling was paper crafts ranging from cranes to drawings of people. There was also snack bags on the floor.

_ Did Ouma do this? _

The art on the walls was much more proficient than the drawings displayed on the letters making me doubt it, the letters had lacked the same steady and patient hand the bathroom needed. However, comparing the drawings I could see this was all the same artist, the art styles were too similar and the fact Ouma had led me to this location was too much of a coincidence not to think so. 

Looking around I turned to the dirty and aged mirror, on the counter, and under a pot of dead flowers, which strangely smelled of Panta…, a letter peeked out.

**_Dear Saihara~_ **

**_Wow, you must be obsessed with me at this point to have found this letter! A poor emo detective like you probably had a heart attack huh? XD_ **

Thank you, Ouma. Thank you.

**_Did you see all the spiders? They’re everywhere, I had been fighting a losing battle against them for years, but Gokuhara would love this! This is the bug promised land! (Or hell)_ **

I chuckled. Gonta would enjoy this huh? I decided to tell him later. Obsessed though? Is that how he saw this? Am I being obsessed with him? I don’t think so.

**_So how do you like the old place? I've been here a lot so I added a few personal touches :D_ **

No kidding.

**_This is the beginning of my conquest of the world! But yeah you're probably wondering why I made you go to an old bathroom._ **

**_Well, you remember the last letter right? About how everyone doesn't exactly like me._ **

**_Meh, who cares what those idiots think right?_ **

**_I wish I could say I was thinking like that. I want to say it’s the truth for once, but I think we both know the one truth about me. I’m a liar, and I always will be a liar. Nope, no matter how much I wanted to I couldn't block it out._ **

Oh no...

**_There are also some other secrets you're going to find out soon! I promise! Let's just say they weren't happy and all the panta in the world wouldn't help._ **

**_Hey, Saihara remember the pool party in seventh grade? That Amami held in his giant house! Seriously someone could get lost in there...let’s leave Momota there >:D_ **

I remember. Only our class went and Amami's siblings and parents were out for the week on a vacation. Amami opted to stay behind to make his house a big hang out area.

Especially since he and Akamatsu had just gotten together. Everyone showed up and what back then seemed hilarious Ouma showed up wearing a jacket to the party even though it was blistering hot.

Everyone called him crazy, that he should take it off and go swimming like most of the class.

Ouma got defensive and what at first seemed funny got more and more frustrating. Ouma was as red as a tomato in a bad way. He ended up leaving the party and never coming back when he refused to take off the jacket.

**_Let's see how long it takes Saihara chan to figure out why I didn't take off my jacket. I'll tell you at the end._ **

**_I would always actually hide in this bathroom. I found it once when Momota (that idiot D: <) and I were running around._ **

**_Eventually, I got really tired and my chest hurt like crazy so I ran through this part of the school and hid inside the bathroom. Momota was so scared about ghosts he never found me!_ **

**_Soon enough this became my hiding spot and it was great! Seriously no one ever goes here so I became a weird bathroom guy._ **

**_No one would ever find me no matter how hard they looked, it's hidden enough away but not so much when you do see it that it doesn't draw suspicion._ **

**_Eventually, once I accidentally cut myself when I was making food with a knife..._ **

**_And it was relieving. For two split seconds, I got distracted from whatever made me slowly going insane. Remember that's what everyone calls me!_ **

**_Insane._ **

**_Liar._ **

**_Hellspawn._ **

**_Bastard._ **

**_It’s going to be a long list of titles someday._ **

**_You can see where this was going._ **

Ouma....no why....why would you do that....?

**_Sorry Shumai. I did. And I kept doing it. So much so where if you even looked at my arms everyone would have known._ **

**_It was stupid I bet you're thinking. That I should've gone to someone for help. I didn’t need to suffer by myself, I didn’t need to do this alone. But that’s the thing, I don’t think like you._ **

**_I never will._ **

**_Well, Saihara. You already know why if you remember. No one would've cared. Who does care about that kid who cuts themself? Who cares about the one who cries themself to sleep, who has so many bruises they can’t even remember where they all come from, the one who opens their locker to find glass in their shoes._ **

**_Who cares about them?_ **

I do. I’ve always cared, I still care even now, and…

_ I didn’t tell you that. _

**_Here's your riddle and don't worry (though you probably aren't) where I am I can't hurt myself anymore. I...I don’t do that anymore._ **

**_Over the horizon, follow the northern star, high above the ground, there's a tower hidden for all who don't look up._ **

**_Shumai...if you're reading this...I hope you find me soon. That isn’t a lie for once, this truth thing is getting old huh?_ **

**_Maybe you like this improved version._ **

**_From,_ **

**_Kokichi Ouma_ **

I didn't know what to say. I could only whisper to myself seeing tears fall onto the letter, "I care Ouma...I care...I'm going to find you...I promise..."


	5. Letter Five

**Saihara’s POV:**

Today was the day to end all days, one that had astonished the entire class and surprisingly didn’t leave me with a strong feeling of shame. I was late for class. No, not even late, I only went back to class after lunch and by then we only had a few classes left but Ms. Yukizome didn't say anything about it. All she did was give me another sad smile, as I gripped the letters tighter.

The fourth letter sat on my desk as it seemed to leer over me, the drawings across them seemed so inviting at first, but the contents couldn’t be further from the truth. It seemed so innocent, it had a chibi style drawing of our class as dolls and Ouma as he seemed to be falling through the sky, drawings and art supplies were also falling with him.

Part of me wanted to tell everyone right now exactly what I had read. How we had wronged Ouma, we left him to his problems and despair and turned a blind eye to his harassment and bullying...about the true Ouma that existed inside of these pages.

But Ms. Yukizome's words rang inside of my head.

**_"Even if he didn't tell me not to tell you where he is... I still wouldn't have...it's Ouma's secret to tell Saihara, hear it as he intended"_ **

She's right, at least for now. It’s not my right, I don’t have that kind of permission to tell everyone, if Ouma had wanted us all to know he was more than just the prankster or the class liar he wouldn’t...he wouldn’t have given these letters to me. I don't know if Ms. Yukizome had even read the letter she hid. If she did...did she feel anything? Did she feel the same base urges I did, to tell everyone?

I'm scared of what kind of rabbit hole I have fallen into. It makes me more guilty knowing that if I hadn't ever found this letter...when Ouma came back, he needs to come back, nothing would have changed.

I still wouldn't have talked to him much, even now I am reluctant to, I hated him for a bit because of what happened...and then….now all I feel is regret for the things I did say. If not for these letters...we would have eventually graduated and gone on with our lives.

I'm so glad Ouma told me about what happened to him. I hope I can help him...no I will. Even if he tries to shut me out, even if he hates me for all the horrible things I’ve let him go through alone...I want to help him.

_He's coming back though right? He can’t...he won’t just leave without saying goodbye right... ? Unless…_

…

I was gaining an aching suspicion where these letters will lead me to, the hints and subtext had been leading me to only one conclusion. One designed and the more I thought of it the more impossible it seemed. Not Ouma, he couldn’t have...I hope I am wrong.

I ignored the doubt and looked at the riddle, ignoring the whispers of my surrounding classmates, or even about how I was going to be behind now…

It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things...does it?

**_Over the horizon, follow the northern star, high above the ground, there's a tower hidden for all who don't look up._ **

_What the heck does this even mean?_ It sounded more like a poem than a riddle! And I don't even know where to even start thinking about what Ouma was talking about. I pondered locations the rest of the period, I hadn’t even noticed when school ended till Ms. Yukizome had asked me to leave, instead I wandered through the halls letter in hand, and tried to think like Ouma.

I had no idea where I was supposed to go as I finally sat on the roof, my whole body felt exhausted despite having done nothing...the crisp night sky was on the horizon, the cold of the upcoming winter was near and real...the brightest of stars stared to make their appearance-my eyes widened. On the rooftop on one of the walls was a large mural of the night sky.

I don’t remember who did that mural, it had been our class who organized something to go in this spot, when a mural was suggested and Yonaga couldn’t do it due to having gone on a spiritual retreat earlier that month Ouma had been the one to find an artist.

That mural showed a thick and lush forest, and in the distance as if from a story a large tower, I searched the mural for any signs of a hidden letter and came up empty-handed...as I slowly turned around to see the forest which might have inspired this...

Over the horizon was a large and vast forest. One which matched the mural...which meant...there might be some sort of tower out there that Ouma wanted me to find. _This could be what he means...there's something in the woods and that's where the letter is!_

Determined I ran down and set off towards the woods.

-/-/-/-

_Ouma. Ouma why do you insist on tormenting me? Why did you hide a letter in the woods? When you even left subtle directions to wait for nighttime? Seriously please tell me what was going through your head when I finally find you._

I walked around the forest clueless and I was considering whether or not I had gone the wrong way when I thought of something.

_**High above the ground, there's a tower hidden for all who don't look up at**. _

_No...he didn't..._

I finally took a step back and looked up to see a treehouse poking out in the distance. Hanging on was a crude flag that matched Ouma’s scarf. 

_Why do you do this to me?_

I walked over to the treehouse and the rope ladder was hanging only halfway down to where I couldn't see it on just eye level.

_What? How do you get up?_

I then looked at a bucket on the floor filled with rocks and removed some and the ladder dropped. Huh. I climbed up into the tiny house. It was filled with junk food and drawings similar to the ones in the envelopes and the bathroom.

The letter was on a small rug in the center and I picked it up to read. This time there were just weirdly drawn faces that looked goofy.

**_Dear Saihara~_ **

**_Welcome to this abandoned tree house I found! Seriously. I found this at the start of the year and I decided to show you :D_ **

I searched for three hours Ouma.

**_I don't know what to write in this letter, to be honest, Saihara. I’m aiming for one of those big numbers for this and the last letter...I don’t like the last one. I'm wondering why I'm even writing these since we aren't friends, are we?_ **

**_Eh, I have nothing better to do. Besides, I already finished the other three letters and wrote all the riddles. There’s no turning back now, how cruel would it be if I tricked you into thinking there was more?_ **

**_I kind of wish I did that now it would be fun XD_ **

**_Do you know how hard it is writing riddles knowing how dense you can be Saihara Chan? I'm just happy I chose you instead of Momota!_ **

I rolled my eyes at that but was a bit grateful for him going easy on me. I let out a sigh of relief though knowing he wouldn't be revealing any sudden emotional baggage. It made me feel bad though.

I want to help. But at the same time, I don't want to think Ouma suffered more than he is telling me.

**_Hey Saihara, Shumai, SUSHI! What do you like to do? I already know you're an emo detective but I was wondering if you do stuff other than reading detective books._ **

.....

....

**_Or if you lead an underground life as the most famous detective to ever live searching endlessly for your beloved phantom thief! ;D_ **

**_I tried once to help you jump start your career! I stole your cake and sweets in your lunch box! You never noticed though! And even when you did you never investigated >:l_ **

**_Don't you know how hard I tried? All those sweets I ate for nothing?! It was the worst!_ **

Yeah sure. I believe that.

Wait that was him?

**_Oh well since you already made it to letter five, wow you're dedicated! You're already my beloved detective! Seriously I'm going to need to keep making these harder for you otherwise I'll be found!_ **

**_All my secrets will be revealed and you'll be able to read me like a book. It sounds awful…_ **

**_But I chose you though. So I can’t take that back now._ **

I burst out laughing at what he wrote. I know that no matter how well I know Ouma he still would trick me with his lies.

**_Hey, Saihara in case you don't ever find me or I don't come back can you do something for me?_ **

**_Saihara: Of course I'll do it_ **

**_Great! If you look in the corner I had a big idea for a prank but I don't think I'll be able to do it sadly ;(_ **

Did he just answer as me? And did he ask me to do a prank for him?

**_It's in the corner over there thanks Saihara! But yeah Saihara you can take over the old place if you want! When I come back though you gotta take out the trash. You'll probably like it. It's really quiet around here and you seem the type to like that. I got other places for hanging out anyway. And no it isn't the bathroom._ **

This place? I looked around and I did admit despite the small size it was comfortable and cozy.

_**Anyway here's a riddle so you can get on with your day. Deep underground, the crowds come and joke around. Well, time to go my organization is having their mandatory tea break! See yah Saihara chan!** _

_**PS the view is so cool!** _

_**From,** _

_**Kokichi Ouma** _

Mandatory tea break?

I looked at the view. The sun was setting in the distance and the sunset casted shadows below on the tree level. Faint clouds added white but also seemed to be dyed in color as the orange melted and cooled to a soft violet by the tips of the sky.

It looked amazing... _thanks Ouma. The view is great._


	6. Letter Six

**Saihara’s POV:**

**_Deep underground, the crowds come and joke around._ **

Ok, I wasn't completely dense on everything about Ouma. There’s a lot of stuff I wish I had known now. But at least I know this detail. In our city, downtown there was an old subway station no longer in use due to an earthquake back in the ’90s. Or I guess I should say, not in use in terms of transportation.

The UnderGround as it’s famously called, as creative as that is, had been renovated in a sense to a flea market. It was famous for the paintings and musicians who sold their craft, the arcades nearby the entrance, and a bunch of people joking around. Akamatsu had tried numeral times to make me come downtown with her to check it out. I never went through, I had heard the rumors of some people trying to light off fireworks down there, and the way she always described it made me feel uneasy. 

Ouma of course would go to a place like that, it seemed right up his alley and he used to come to class with new phone charms or badges on his bags, I assumed almost all of them came from there as they had the artist’s names on them. Ouma knew I didn’t want to go to a place like that, he teased me about it...so of course, Ouma was leading me to a place like that.

I walked down there hearing music blasting and kids laughing and joking around as I tried to guess where the letter would be. The place was like a labyrinth and the more I ventured forward the more lost I became. It was more than just music and art though, alluring aromas of food also was circulated through the air, and some I didn’t even recognize, there even seemed to be some ‘businesses’. Businesses in quotation marks because they probably weren’t legal...but I had to admit for as much as the crowds and the loud blaring noise made me uncomfortable, it did have some charm to it.

Then I saw it.

It was on a cement wall near the back, there were some tents for some sort of figurine shop. But on the wall behind it was what called me, it was a detailed mural of sorts, one that reminded me of the one on the rooftop. On the bottom was a girl with long brown hair, with a painted-on full mask, she was sitting on the ground and covering her ears, behind her was a cast of clowns and while some were facing towards the girl and reaching for her, others that seemed more like children were running away from the girl laughing. I probably would have ignored it, if not for one of the clowns. He wasn’t wearing a mask but holding one in his hands. He had deep amethyst hair and an impish smile, a large black cape made him stand out from the group along with his hat. 

It was Ouma, clear as day, I walked towards the mural I realized how badly I wanted to see him as I reached towards the drawing…

I pulled my hand back as I looked down at the ground. At the bottom of the mural was a small plack made out of wood, the name of the piece had likely been scratched on with some sort of nail. It was named ‘ _ DICE  _ and right next to the label was a box, it was covered in paint splashes. There was also a tinfoil can near the painting as if asking for tips...the can was empty.

_ So DICE was real after all, _ I opened the letter and it was drawn with all sorts of tools for pranking and some spray paint was on it. There was also some images of Ouma dragging me into the downtown area, I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

**_Dear Saihara~_ **

**_Aww does Shumai hate me for making him go to one of the best places ever?_ **

Hate is a strong word.

**_Oh and I told you! I told you DICE was real and you didn't believe me >:(_ **

**_DICE and I spent a lot when we can but sadly it couldn’t be all of us. We used to be the bane of the UnderGround, if you saw the scorched marks and the TP’s statues that was likely us, we’re also the ones famous for taking the R off of the signs everywhere._ **

**_Don’t tell anyone I did that by the way._ **

Uh-huh, I definitely won’t.

**_Did you like the art where you found the letter? That was my friend Mirai, or Miri, or sleep master, or champion middle finger._ **

How many nicknames does he have for his friends? I have to admit he is sometimes creative with them...like when Amami got him in the head with a baseball by Shirogane on accident he called him Guacamole for a whole week.

**_But yeah this place is really fun Saihara! This place is where you can find the cheapest panta known to mankind!_ **

**_And the bottles aren't plastic there, they are the nice glass kind and Saihara if you can't appreciate glass bottles we can't be friends. Sorry, I don’t make the rules._ **

Glass bottles?

**_But yeah, I always tried to make you come down by leaving ads and weird tickets I found on your desk. I even showed off my cool memorabilia to you!_ **

**_But I guess Saihara is too boring because you never showed up, >:(_ **

I chuckled a bit remembering as someone came over. He was an older man, with a greased apron and he seemed to be one of the chefs from the diner I had passed by. They didn't glance at me at all and just sighed.

"God bless those trouble makers" they mumbled placing some loose change inside of the can.

It left a sinking feeling in my chest.

**_I can't blame you much actually. After what happened I mean. I stopped trying to invite you after a while anyway, so I guess I have to take responsibility for making Saihara Chan bland._ **

**_By the way, I got a few spots down here to recommend! Do you see that makeshift diner with the spray paint all over it? The one with the plague rats?_ **

_ The WHAT? _

**_There's a whole secret menu! My organization and I spent years figuring it out! I’m pretty sure we practically made up the menu with how much we guessed, and suggested, our group is their favorite. I left you a menu in the letter :D_ **

**_I even worked there for a while to help my organization! It was really fun_ **

Ouma had a job? He didn't see the type who would like one. Or maybe that's because I can only see him playing games with people. 

**_There's a lot of vendors also down there and artists, I don't really know that boring stuff but my friend Mirai probably would want you to check it out._ **

**_Some of them she said was her friends from art school._ **

**_Did I mention she hated art school? Like she complained every day about going there because cartoons aren’t real art I guess. But yeah you can get your beloved Akamatsu something here I guess._ **

Akamatsu? She's my friend. I mean I had a crush on her before she got together with Amami, but I got over it after a while.

**_Also on Halloween, the subway has a giant party and the arcades have a half-off sale for tokens!_ **

**_I'm also the proud champion on one of those games I'm not going to tell you which you have to figure it out yourself Saihara chan!_ **

I glanced over at the arcade. It was pretty empty but I decided I would go check it out later. It was pretty late...

**_Well, Saihara you're getting close to figuring out where I am huh? Are you disappointed there weren’t deep dark secrets in the last two? Well, it’s not like you’re suffering._ **

**_You only have eight letters to go! Seriously that isn't a lie! Also, make sure to have some cash for one of the later letters._ **

**_I'm not spoiling though just do it, please? There I used my manners to tell Tojo she finally parented me._ **

I burst out laughing from that. I don't know why it was just funny to me.

**_Well, guess I gotta give you another riddle now, but make sure to check out the old place ok? I don't get to go down there anymore._ **

**_Where emo detectives thrive._ **

**_Have fun Saihara!_ **

**_From,_ **

**_Kokichi Ouma._ **

_ … _

_ … _


	7. Letter Seven

**Saihara’s POV:**

"Saihara why do you look like death kicked you in the face?" Momota asked, “Momota I thought we agreed we were going to be subtle!” Kiibo chastised, “I’m sorry, it’s just the nicest way I could put it! Look at him, it looks like he got into a fight with a permanent marker and  _ lost _ !” Momota apologized. I sighed and tried to push off my migraine. 

"I was studying for the finals..." I lied as I chugged more coffee, the last few late nights with these letters were taking their toll, I had to rush to my afternoon classes along with managing my homework and studying for college entrance exams.

"Bro you should probably sleep more often" Momota advised, “my sidekicks need to be well both in mind and body!” he insisted, I just nodded pretending to take his advice as I headed to class.

I guess I wasn’t lying to him though, I  _ had  _ been studying. But that wasn’t why I was losing sleep, it’s because no matter how hard I tried I kept finding myself thinking of Ouma, of whether he was even ok or where on earth he could be hiding.

He was telling a story, that part seemed obvious. A story about himself, which I never would have believed. Ouma, someone who prided himself on his lies and mysterious nature opening himself up completely, was shocking. Only I didn't know where this story was heading as he just seemed to jump from so many points in his life combining it into a confusing mess.

_ A lot like his lies _ . Only instead of just a hint of the truth, while carrying a playful nature instead it was pure honesty and the mystery came from where it would lead to. They felt personal and the amount of time and care he put into writing and hiding them proved it more.

"Hey, guys where do you think Ouma went?" I asked as we headed in. There was no way I was the only one Ouma was telling this to, maybe they know where Ouma is, Amami shrugged "it's Ouma so he's probably fine".

_ Or maybe not. _

"Gonta not know, Gonta sorry he cannot help friends" Gokuhara apologized, he looked disappointed that he couldn’t help me and I felt a tiny pang of guilt. "Ok thanks anyway" I thanked as I yawned opening my bag and sitting down at my desk.

…

_ "it's Ouma so he's probably fine". _

_ Knowing Ouma he’s anything but fine. _

-/-/-/-

**_Where emo detectives thrive._ **

So off to the library it is. 

I walked in already knowing where this letter was the second I read that line. This was the first letter that directly connected to my memories of Ouma, rather than just showing me a location from his past. This library was where it had begun, where our friendship started. and headed over to the mystery section.

I had avoided that area since the fight happened and Ouma did too. Looking back I think it was stupid what we fought over but it hurt at the time. The scent of old books brought a feeling of comfort, as nostalgia came from the beanbag chair sitting in the corner.

Ouma had brought that in, I could almost see him melting into that chair again and jokingly asking for me to rescue him, he always had a knack for theatrics huh?

Though knowing all Ouma had on his plate now didn't help but make me see myself as the real villain. I looked underneath the old and stained table as I finally looked underneath the boards I found the letter. 

On the letter was a drawing of Ouma and me reading some books, Ouma was staring at the book confused as the little me was laughing. Inside of a dialogue bubble was masked characters of thieves, detectives, and characters from the novels we used to read. The number seven was hidden as the bookcase next to him, and written underneath us was  _ ‘I guess not knowing someone doesn’t mean you don’t understand them’  _ it was a quote from the series Ouma and I had been reading.

**_Dear Saihara~_ **

**_Remember the adventures of the Kyoko Kirigiri series? That detective manga we read?_ **

**_Do you remember why we even started that series? I think you were just hanging out and I decided to mess with you cause I thought you were studying. It’s not my fault that you made yourself such an easy target!_ **

I smiled remembering. I was just reading and not paying attention to what was going on around me when all of a sudden a certain someone stole my hat, and then I saw Ouma right behind me with a skull mask. It scared me half to death at the time.

**_I swear you screamed so loud! The librarian had to tell you to shut up! Also, she tried to kick me out for the fiftieth time that week._ **

**_Jokes on her you convinced her to let me stay! Why did you do that by the way? I never figured it out. Don’t think I ever will, you’re a tough nut to crack sometimes._ **

I did it because I wanted my hat back initially, and then I ended up having a lot of fun with him.

**_But afterward, I saw your book and we ended up reading and talking about it. We pretty much had a giant book club. Also, I can't believe you didn't read Harry Potter until then._ **

_ I heard too many bad things about the author...it made me concerned... _

**_You were dead to me. Luckily I forced you to read it all in one night._ **

_ That was a long night... _

**_Sadly we didn't get in the same Hogwarts house, you got the house of...wow they don't do much at all huh Ravenclaw?_ **

Thanks, Ouma.

**_At least you gave me something to do during lunch, and it was fun. And not making me want to scream like....the bug meet and greet._ **

I covered my mouth to try and keep myself from laughing. I still remembered how much Ouma looked close to screaming. I think he nearly fainted after a while, only managing to hang on out of fear of Gonta.

**_Also, how did we tie every day in chess? Seriously do you know how that is possible? I don’t think it’s supposed to happen! We must have played hundreds of times and yet every single time I thought it would finally end somehow we were tied again._ **

I couldn't believe it either, to be honest. We played multiple games every single time. Never did any of us gain a lead.

**_Still, I challenge you to a rock paper scissors fight when I see you again, I feel extra lucky. I mean I'm eating a bagel so that's gotta help. Also if I win can you get me a panta?_ **

**_No, when you find me please bring a panta I can't get any right now and it's killing me slowly. Help me Saihara you're my only hope._ **

Is that a star wars reference? Wait...why can't he get any soda right now? It's not as if it's hard to come by.

**_If there wasn't tea here I would have died. Anyway, it was really fun spending lunch with you Saihara._ **

**_Wish we spent more time together, you were the only one other than DICE whoever had had fun with me._ **

**_So thanks._ **

**_I got another riddle for you Saihara. I can’t stall it anymore, I want to but that’s the thing…_ **

**_The rest wouldn’t make sense without just being honest._ **

**_It lies in between two sides._ **

**_Two worlds._ **

**_Separated by a single river._ **

**_See you later._ **

**_From,_ **

**_Kokichi Ouma_ **

I'll see you later Ouma.


	8. Letter Eight

**Saihara’s POV:**

"Saihara what are you doing? You've been skipping lunch" Momota asked, “and training with Maki and me last week, I mean if you needed to cancel you could have texted us. I’m getting worried about you” Momota asked with a look of concern, I could only yawn shoving the letter back in my bag.

"Nothing much..." I told him, "I was reading some books..." I mumbled, "you sure? You were reading books and not those envelopes you kept reading in class? Seriously Saihara is something happening right now? I can help!" He offered. I felt guilty as I quickly pushed the letters out of his sight.

Nervously I tried to defend myself, "oh...it’s nothing much don't worry about it, really I just had some mail from some relatives...that’s, all," I lied as I eyed the clock, it ticked away and I knew every second now counted towards making sure Ouma was okay.

"I gotta go...bye" I mumbled and quickly left, “wait!” Momota called after reaching his hand out towards me but I was already running through the halls past disapproving teachers and concerned students

**_It lies in between two sides._ **

**_Two worlds._ **

**_Separated by a single river._ **

I knew this letter would lead me towards an awful truth, I chugged down my vending machine coffee can as I tried to find the area, the large bridges structure peeking out amongst the city buildings as I finally found it.

It wasn’t as if this was some world-famous landmark or even the biggest bridge in town. It was a small one that just so happened to lay in between Ouma and my path to school and home. Or if Ouma even went home after school, we used to pass under this bridge every day when we were still friends.

_ When I thought I knew him when I thought I was a good friend to him. _

But what I knew most about that bridge...is that it was a popular place for someone to…

_ Please. Please let me be wrong, don’t leave a letter in that place...don’t let this be the last letter from you, just be safe for me... _

I walked onto the bridge and looked around for any sign of the envelope, I had doubts it could have even stayed in place if Ouma did leave it here, or if rain or wind had blown it away from the bridge taking Ouma along with it. However tied against one of the barriers, and strategically under a piece of metal was an envelope tied in place with a scarf.

A black and white checkered scarf, I hesitantly reached over to grab the letter a slow feeling of dread flooding my body. This letter had a stolen scenery of a sunset at sea, with this bridge serving as a set-piece. But that wasn’t what caught my eye, it was the black silhouette of a person, a person standing on the railing of that bridge…

I tore open the letter hungry for answers.

**_Dear Saihara~_ **

**_Oh good the wind didn't kidnap my letter. The wind is a phantom thief Saihara! It kidnapped my homework multiple times D:_ **

Sure it did.

**_That's a lie~_ **

Called it.

**_I need a favor again Saihara chan. Do you see the other letter inside of this? The one that’s taped shut? If you ever respected me or liked me...don't open it or read it. Please just don't._ **

**_I want you to rip it up as much as you can and throw it over the bridge. I don’t want people to even be able to read one word of that letter anymore, I don’t want it to remain in this world anymore. I never had the strength to do it so...please._ **

_ Ouma... _

**_If not...do whatever you want with it. I don't care anymore. Save it to the end though k? You still have to read this letter. No skipping that’s cheating >:(_ **

_ I won’t. _

**_A year ago we fought and stopped spending time together. Which sucked a lot since I ended up sitting next to you this year. Seriously, that's awkward. I never realized how much I needed you till you were gone because then I was alone. Alone with the thoughts that led to the bathroom letter, the memories of all the boring people in my life, and those disgusting words they called me._ **

**_Problem is, unlike then, I knew there wouldn’t be a way for someone to save me this time. I ruined it._ **

**_I kind of spent the last few letters avoiding this. I don't know why though...I set out to push myself, to be honest about what I was thinking, yet even then I kept lying about why I took you to those places...I’m still running from the truth. Because the truth only has one meaning, and I don’t like it._ **

**_Get why I like lies so much? Endless possibilities to anything, it can even give you a happy ending._ **

_ But the truth makes me want to help you. _

**_You can probably guess what I was considering here for a long time. I'm just going to sum it up, I wanted to die. I wanted to finally end my miserable life full of never-ending suffering, I wanted to finally rid the world of my annoying presence._ **

**_I was going to finally give everyone what they wanted and die. You saw my yearbooks. You know what I did to myself. You know what you said._ **

_ I regret everything, I should have apologized, I never should have fought with you like that...if I hadn’t... _

**_DICE...they couldn't always be there for me either. They couldn't go to our school which sucked. I bet you would get along with them if you met them. After all, they're like your favorite supreme leader. Only more likable! They’re the ones who deserve a full life._ **

**_I thought about it a lot and was so close to doing it that day. I was so close to jumping off the bridge. I was so close..._ **

**_I had already taken off my shoes and everything Saihara, I just didn't care anymore. What was the point?_ **

_ No. Ouma why? Why would you ever try that? That fight was so stupid I regret even fighting. I regret not saying sorry. _

_ I'm sorry Ouma. _

**_I was about to let go when I got a call. Some of DICE was asking me about how school was, and if I could come and spend some time with them. They were also having petty fights in the background about missing snacks, and a debate about flat earthers._ **

**_I couldn’t leave those idiots behind Saihara, I couldn’t ruin their day like that. I couldn’t abandon them, because if I did that I was a fraud. Leaders never abandon their people, not till the bitter end. And I’m nothing except a supreme leader._ **

**_So I didn't. Maybe it was because they somehow gave me hope. Maybe because I didn't really wanna go through with it. Maybe because I wasn't in the mood for a lecture._ **

**_I just didn't die that day. And I never went to that bridge alone again. I took an hour-long detour just to avoid that bridge, the thoughts, the part of me that wanted to die..._ **

**_I considered if I had made the right choice still a lot after. I'm considering it now, to be honest. It would have been quick and probably not that painful._ **

**_I don't get to make that choice anymore though. It was hard enough just planning for these letters._ **

**_Why am I telling you this? Do you even care? Are you even the one reading this Saihara or are you some random stranger?_ **

_ I'm reading Ouma! I care! I care! I'm going to make up for this...I...I don't want you to die. _

For all the times he annoyed me and teased me he made me laugh and smile and I couldn't imagine life without him. I couldn’t imagine this mischievous little kid disappearing from this world, I couldn’t even imagine what kind of depression he hid behind those lies and masks, I never considered how much those stupid pranks would light up my world.

Until you were gone.

**_Maybe you're not. I guess that's fine. I deserve it. Who knows you might be reading this years later, to satisfy whatever what-ifs you had in your head or to get your peace._ **

**_About this weird kid, you knew in high school._ **

**_Saihara...you were one of my best friends back when we were younger. So thanks. You were my only true friend in that school, one who I wanted to tell everything to, and at the same time nothing because I was terrified if you knew the person behind these walls you would reject them._ **

**_That's the only reason I am writing this to you. Because I saw you as my only friend outside DICE. You’re the only one who might be able to understand. So yeah, you’re the chosen one._ **

**_You still have some letters to go don't you? Heh. Here's your riddle. No...not a riddle anymore. These never were riddles, were they? I was to make a real riddle for any of these._ **

**_Where the knights of the 53rd order meet._ **

**_I hope I see you again soon Saihara._ **

**_From,_ **

**_Kokichi Ouma._ **

I looked at the other letter Ouma had given me. I knew it was a suicide note now. One that might let me know...if I was one of the main things that led him here on that fateful day.

I tore it to pieces and fed it to the sea.


	9. Letter Nine

**Saihara’s POV:**

**_Where the knights of the 53rd order meet._ **

I was surprised when the next clue was about our class. Ouma while did go to a lot of our class gatherings such as hot pot, or the occasional party, never seemed to be close to the class as a whole.

He just continued to be his usual self, pulling pranks and lying whenever he talked to someone. After what happened last year in the courtyard though, he stopped getting invited to those events, and he didn’t seem to mind…

_ Of course, that was another lie huh? I’m an idiot, aren’t I? _

Still, if he was talking about the class and where this ‘order’ met, then I had to guess the local coffee shop. It was where most of the school spends time, and I doubt Ouma would have hidden more letters in our classroom.

But... _ why would he hide the letter there, knowing that there was a large chance that someone other than me could find it? Was it...no it couldn’t have been intentional unless he used it as motivation to make sure I continued? Did he think he had to go that far? _

I quickly ran down the street as fast as I could towards the cafe, I couldn’t let Ouma’s secrets be exposed. I opened the door, the bell chiming with my entrance and the crowds of people, I kept searching for any place where Ouma could have hidden the letter...before I turned to one of the window booths to see everyone huddled over...

The letter. The letter which was firmly held in the grips of Momota, while the rest of the group of Akamatsu, Amami, and Harukawa looked over it. I had been too late...

_ Ouma I'm so sorry...I should have run faster, I shouldn’t have stopped until I had all of them, if I had been even an hour earlier... _

"Saihara...what is this?" Akamatsu asked looking over at me, her panicked voice forcing me out of my self-depreciation, there were tears in her eyes.  _ Oh god, what do they know? _

"Uh..." I stalled unsure of how to answer, what if I revealed something by accident? That would be even worse..." is this what you have been doing the last few days?" Momota asked disappointment in his eyes.

"Yeah..." I answered, "I've been trying to find Ouma. I don't know where he is still and I keep chasing after these letters to find him" I admitted quickly as I reached for the letter that Momota kept moving out of my reach.

"Can you please give the letter...?" I begged. Momota looked at me for a second, as if pondering something.  _ Please  _ I mouthed out, Momota sighed as he nodded taking out a single sheet of paper and handing it over to me.

"What about the letter?" I asked, "it's actually for the rest of us," Momota told me. "What?" I asked, "Ouma asked us to do something for him...and we will," Harukawa said distantly.

"What did he ask?" I questioned, "we can't tell you till you find all the letters. Supreme leader’s orders, he threatened me an early Halloween if I didn’t. Sorry, Saihara...don't worry we believe in you," Momota told me.

I just nodded, "make sure you get some sleep ok?" Akamatsu asked. I nodded, "it's Friday but that doesn't mean you can stay up all night searching" Amami added.

"I won't...I've gotta go...I have to give someone a panta when I find him" I joked and left the cafe.

I tried to ignore the looks of pity. 

I tried to ignore that lie Momota had told me.

I tried to ignore the pain in my heart.

While this letter lacked the same designs as the envelopes tended to have, this was the first time Ouma used colored paper, it was a light lavender color which seemed on-brand for him.

**_Dear Saihara~_ **

**_Sorry, Saihara most of this letter wasn’t for you. Believe it or not, I had some things to say to the rest of the idiots in our class. I’m not sorry._ **

I would be shocked if he was.

**_Even the space one. Luckily I think they'll do as I say even if it's just for you, so that's fine. Oh by the way I'm running out of paper writing all these for you, I had to take some of Riko's old origami paper._ **

**_She probably isn't happy about that. She was one of the DICE members, once again not an imaginary friend >:(_ **

**_She was a happy go lucky jolly rancher. Also high on sugar._ **

**_Eh, it's fine. She wasn't allowed to use the origami paper anymore anyway cause she kept using scissors._ **

I mentally slapped myself in the face.

**_If I admit that I didn’t know what to do with these letters would you believe me? When I started this I never thought I would share them with you, it seemed too strange. I didn’t want to open up like this, I didn’t want you to see those parts of me, the ones I never liked. But if I am doing this...then I hope it isn’t for nothing._ **

**_Your friends, our class, I never cared about them till I met you. It was because of our friendship that I started spending time with Amami, Kiibo (do robots have dicks?), and Gonta. Never ended the rivalry with Momota, it’s not my fault his IQ is negative._ **

**_Still, I wish I had gotten to know them. I mean they probably all hate me but still. Wouldn’t have been fun if I at least didn't make them curse silently every time they saw me._ **

**_Friendship goals Saihara._ **

Ouma...they don’t hate you. I know they don’t... _ but we never told you that. _

**_It was fun you know. Being in class with you guys, as much as I want to say it you guys aren't boring._ **

**_Also, I found the mom for DICE, Tojo! She once made cookies for my organization. I had to trick her into doing it but still! Saihara, Tojo makes the best cookies ever. It's the best I have ever tasted._ **

**_Eiji (another DICE member) says it's because I've only ever tasted the store-bought or mix kind but still! Sadly cookies don't taste that good with panta :(_ **

**_Doesn't stop me though >:D_ **

I doubt anything could ever stop Ouma and his addiction to Panta. 

**_In a later letter, I'll tell you more about my organization. They are cool people Saihara trust me._ **

I bet they are if they can somehow keep up with you.

**_So I was walking around just a few weeks ago thinking of stuff I should write for you while I’m gone, I kept thinking of our class, and things I always wanted to do with them but never have. Which sucks. I wanted to hang out more with you guys, or at least make fun of Kiibo one last time._ **

**_He's just the most fun to mess around with Saihara. Momota just screams and Harukawa threatens me but Kiibo just argues back and sometimes how he does it is funny._ **

**_Also, Gonta is nice. A bit on the idiot side but he would be a good fit for DICE. We sadly have an idiot in our ranks (Sorry Shiro, that isn’t a lie~)_ **

**_Iruma is just a slut, that's all I gotta say about her._ **

Ouma? You had to say that even in a letter?

**_But yeah you guys are interesting. I can predict a lot of what you do and I can trick you guys into believing anything (ok except you Saihara) but they still entertain me. School for all the endless math tests and projects and boring useless knowledge always had that small highlight._ **

**_Never figured you out though. You're a tough cookie to break. I guess I'll stop wasting your time and give you a riddle._ **

**_You'll find it where chaos is assumed and is still remembered to this very day._ **

**_Bye Saihara._ **

**_From,_ **

**_Kokichi Ouma_ **

_ No. _

_ NO NO NO NO-I don’t want to go back there.  _ I knew this was coming, I knew this was to be expected but...I already knew where this was going and the painful memories it would ensue. But I wasn't ready.

Still, I headed back to school.

I headed back to the courtyard.

To face that memory of when I told Ouma he meant nothing to me, that cruel and painful lie...

This was all my fault, wasn’t it?


	10. Letter Ten

**Saihara’s POV:**

**_You'll find it where chaos is assumed and is still remembered to this very day._ **

Last year is when everything went wrong when the friendship I had come to have with Ouma would burn away with just one incident, one in my eyes at the time an irredeemable action made me sever ties with him. Yet like in any story, I regret my actions only now when it’s far too late to change anything.

I ignored the constant buzzing from my pocket, I knew my Uncle must have been worried about where I was but I refused to wait anymore. The sunset imposed on me as I practically ran back to school. I didn’t care about being seen crazy anymore, I didn’t care about schoolwork or tests to study for, I didn’t care about right or wrong...I just needed to see him again.

I approached the school, it had been locked up for the weekend, and without even thinking I climbed over the school fence and into the property. The moon loomed over me giving me an ominous glow. It wanted me to fear the ending of this game.

It was near the end of the semester, we were taking our exams soon and on top of that, we had a mandatory school project. Every day it seemed our class was breaking records on how many cups of coffee you can drink to stay awake. When the stress had reached a boiling point Ouma...well he ended up becoming the output for our stress.

As I wandered through the grounds I finally found the courtyard, one exposed to the open sky, and in the center of the courtyard was the old fountain. I walked over and saw the fountain, it used to be a bright white until those fireworks, now it still carried the charred appearance and a large crack. 

Taking out my phone I turned on the flashlight as I inspected it, careful to not get the attention of any night guards as I realized that hidden inside of the crack was the letter. Hidden in plain sight for who knows how long.

On the front was a fire drawn on, with his silhouette in front of it, his expression couldn’t be seen, and creeping in beyond the flames were insults that were written in white crayon against an ink-black background. This wasn’t imagery.

**_Dear Saihara~_ **

**_Remember this Saihara? Do you remember the day when the sky broke apart? When the sun itself seemed to collapse on our school? It was raining a lot afterward._ **

How could I forget?

**_I'll try to explain since I didn't get to last time. Why I did what I did, or I guess what I tried to do. It didn’t go according to plan. Nothing had gone according to plan._ **

I should have asked, I should’ve listened to you back then Ouma, but arrogance and rage had blinded me...and I left you alone to deal with the consequences. Yet...I knew it wasn’t out of malice even back then, so why did I do it?

**_Everyone was stressed about finals, seriously you all looked like you were going to pass out any second now. I didn’t care about finals that year though, I didn’t have any plans for my future. I was prepared to make a paper airplane from my test, but I thought: hey what if I pull a big prank?_ **

**_Wouldn't that make everyone happier? Wouldn’t it make you guys stop being so boring? This would be my last prank of the year so I might as well finish it off with a bang._ **

**_I guess I did._ **

**_It was originally just going to be bottle rockets. You helped me with those, unwilling of course. You let me read your notes, and from there I made them. That was the biggest reason you hate me now huh? Then I made the rockets more extreme. I added those stupid smoke bombs._ **

**_And we all know how it ends. The lawn took most of the hit. But that didn’t make any difference in the end._ **

I still remember that day.

Ms. Yukizome had insisted that our class do our work in the courtyard, something about us young people needing to get some sunlight these days. The first thing that stuck out to me was how quiet it was, but I chose not to think about it. I chose not to wonder where Ouma was, he always disappeared when he could...and that’s when I heard the loud pop sound from beyond the bushes.

As those bottle rockets lit off into the sky we could only watch in a sense of awe at first, before it happened. Smoke bombs.

It blinded us at first and made us cough, they were also stinking bombs at that so Momota was screaming for the culprit to reveal himself, we were still laughing a little till that point. Until I realized something, as the smoke cleared...one of the lit bombs accidentally set the grass on fire. 

Chaos assumed immediately with some screaming, some ran off for Ms. Yukizome and a fire extinguisher as the fire grew, I stayed behind because I kept looking for where Ouma was. When I heard the rustling from near the large sakura tree I saw him, he was fumbling with something, but I didn’t care I ran over to him…

In his hands, was a large line meant for setting off the rockets...and I realized what he was trying to do, but by then it was far too late. Without a second warning, a large sound exploded from behind us, and we turned to see one of the rockets had exploded and charred the fountain, water rushing from it and flooding towards the hallways. As Ouma stared at the scene around him, the fire and the water...he froze, he was completely quiet until I forcibly dragged him away as I headed back through the hallway.

The aftermath though sealed our fate. Our projects, the ones we were working on were ruined beyond repair in time for our deadline, and the school offered no mercy as they believed  _ all  _ of us were responsible for the damage to the school.

We ended up being suspended for two weeks, Ouma a whole two months. The only reason none of us got expelled was because of Ms. Yukizome, Yukizome who although never admitted to it, we knew she had suffered for that incident, and sometimes we would catch her handing wads of cash to the superintendent to pay for the damages. 

As some of us began crying over what would happen to our grades, our teacher, how our exams were going to end up horrible, Ouma…

Ouma laughed. And he wouldn’t stop laughing, he wouldn’t stop laughing even when the class finally turned their aggression and sorrow against him, it was him the one who had gotten everyone into this mess, he was the one who had ruined their school lives.

And I like the fool I was joined them.

**_I didn't mean for it to go that way._ **

**_I didn't Saihara. I'm sorry ok? I'm sorry...I didn't mean for your project to be ruined...or for the school to get damaged...or for everyone to hate me after that._ **

**_I didn't mean to make you hate me Saihara! Ok? I'm finally saying it cause I didn't then: I’m SORRY!_ **

_ Why did I say sorry back then too, why did I never apologize for standing against you? Even when that guilt filled me I still avoided you, I never turned back to look at you...and now...you could be... _

**_It all went wrong and it was all my fault and I know it! And instead of saying sorry I just laughed...I don't even know why..._ **

**_Why I pretended all this was somehow part of my big master plan because it wasn't!_ **

**_I...I just wanted to say sorry Saihara...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..._ **

Ouma...I forgive you. I'm sorry.

**_Then everyone started screaming at me afterward. Think you remember that right? I got what I deserved for sure._ **

**_But you all had to suffer as well. Guilt by association. And then I like an idiot talked to you...I tried to talk to you after what happened, even though I knew you were angry and pissed I just laughed and made some jokes, it’s a lie! Right?_ **

I was so angry. I thought you had done it on purpose and like an idiot, I yelled at you for it. I said things I shouldn't have.

**_You were right._ **

**_I am nothing but a troublemaker._ **

_ No. _

**_I am just a freaking liar._ **

_ No. _

**_I am just a fucking insane person who doesn't know when enough is enough._ **

_ No. _

**_I deserved every single word..._ **

_ No, you didn't... _

**_I'm sorry Saihara. I kind of ruined everything huh? I messed up our friendship...our school...all for what?_ **

**_I didn't hear anyone laughing. It was stupid. I shouldn't have done it._ **

**_They were right. All those people._ **

**_I am a fucking little piece of sh*t._ **

_ No, you're not. _

**_I am a mistake._ **

_ Stop it. _

**_I shouldn't have come to your school. So sorry for messing up your life Saihara._ **

**_Sorry for sending that letter. I dragged you into this again._ **

_ I'm glad you did. _

**_I'm sorry...for everything._ **

**_Here's another riddle._ **

**_A painted face looms over you._ **

**_Sorry, Saihara._ **

**_From,_ **

**_Kokichi Ouma_ **

I'm sorry Ouma.

I wish I had just listened to your reasoning. I wish I didn’t do this to you, I want to fix this this...no I am going to fix this. Everythings going to go back to how it used to be. I promise.

This time I'll be the one to apologize.


	11. Letter Eleven

**Saihara’s POV:**

The rain fell like thunder, soaking my clothes and hung down on me like cement as the numb feeling from the cold and dismal nighttime clung to my bones, I could only stare at the letter with my shaking hands as I leaned against the wall of the school building, Ouma’s words...no  _ my words  _ haunting my mind as I slammed my hand against the brick wall in self resentment as I choked back sobs.

I thought at the time I was the good guy, I thought I was just defending our class, but that paled in comparison to the suffering I allowed Ouma to go through by himself, he was the one who had the deal with a large sinking depression on his shoulders, the burden of carrying so many problems yet having a heart that never could allow him to let others share in those struggles.

Yet he had tried, he tried to allow me to see past that mask even just a little at the time only for me like the careless and heartless monster I was betraying him and left him alone again, I abandoned him to the world that had signed his death sentence.

How? How had I not once since it happened talked to Ouma again? Why didn't I push further to get to know that person I played games with during lunch?

Why did I leave that kid who looked petrified? Why did I yell at him? What had I done? I could have done more. I could have done better. I could have been his friend. I could have done so much more.

How my heart of stone only allowed myself to think about Ouma again when he once again reached out with that single letter, and I cursed myself for not taking the time to make amends when he was still there when he was still his smiling self sitting next to me in class for all this year. If only I had tried to talk to him, could I have prevented this? What happened to Ouma? Is... _ is he dead? _

All the strength I had to keep going crumbled inside of me, what if I kept going forward with this but in the end, the only thing greeting me would be pain? Or if in the end I never saw Ouma again, or he hated me all along? What would I do then? How can I just accept that?

The rain clouded my vision as I placed my head on my knees, I didn’t bother to move towards shelter, as regret froze my blood solid I could only hear the harsh cries of the thunder that surrounded me…

“Saihara?” A voice called out as I turned towards it limply, as I saw the magenta figure in front of me, a large umbrella shielded him from the rain as I rubbed my eyes tired.

“Momota?” I asked confused, he sighed, “had a feeling, turns out I was right,” he said as he crouched down towards me and held his umbrella out covering me as well, I returned to my melancholy as I sniffled.

“I’m such an idiot,” I told him regretfully, “a stupid heartless jerk…” I confessed with a shaking voice as I tried to hide the tears returning to my eyes, Momota only listened to my resentment before patting me on the shoulder.

“Saihara...we can’t change what happened, we can’t change the past no matter how much we want to. But the past is the past, Ouma is still out there, Ouma is still waiting for you Saihara. You can’t change how you might have hurt him, but you can change whether Ouma and you end this as friends or with bitterness and regret” Momota advised.

“What if he hates me...what if I make things even worse?” I asked him. Momota paused unsure before finally sighing, “aren’t you willing to risk that for the chance everything becomes better?” he prompted.

I didn’t answer, Momota didn’t push me as he extended his hand to me which I hesitantly took, I dragged my feet against the pavement of the sidewalk as Momota without any more words needed took me home, the letter still was in my hand and even if the ink was running from the rain I memorized those words he wrote to me with all my heart.

_ Tomorrow. Tomorrow I swear, I'll find him. _

**~-~-~-~**

With dawn just barely starting to threaten the horizon I was already on the move, with a backpack filled with food for the remaining journey, a warm jacket, an umbrella just in case of rain, all of Ouma’s letters, and finally some money for the train station in case Ouma needed me to travel somewhere.

I was not going to hesitate anymore, as the sun-filled me with strength and determination. 

**_A painted face looms over you._ **

This one didn’t leave me with any clear memories, however, due to Ouma’s insistent mentions of graffiti arts, I decided it was likely that the painted face was likely to be a painted face art, one done by his artist friend.

But this proved to be a difficult challenge, as I didn’t know where exactly this would even be, the city was large and booming with graffiti arts and for me, it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack, there was also the silent fear that this art might have been removed by clean up crews.

I must have been wandering for hours, yet the lack of direction rather than causing me anxiety brought some relief and allowed me to notice the sights of the city I had never even seen before, such as cozy bookstores and cafes that intrigued me. I had never taken the time to even explore due to my constant studies so it was a refreshing change as I imagined exploring even more with my class and Ouma. Then on the tiniest corner of the city was an old and broken-down warehouse, I wouldn’t have even paid much attention to the building except for the large faded graffiti art of a clown mask.

_ This has to be it! _

As I passed through the chainlink fence I was surprised by the lack of security, as I approached the door and it gave a loud scratching creak sound as a wave of dust escaped the room inside.

The walls were covered with canvases of drawings, both finished and unfinished along with graffiti arts cluttering the walls so much it was hard to tell when one ended and another began, with the old lights provided seemingly out of commission the area instead had fairy lights which were strung around generously connected to an old generator which made a loud and annoying sound. 

Old and moldy couches also were on the floor with many rugs strung about to protect feet against the cold cement, the couches also were filled with pillows and stuffed animals which was a little adorable, there was also a table near these couches along with a rescued shelf filled with board games and what seemed like unfinished games of cards. 

On the floor was also empty and filled bottles of spray paint, snack bags, and empty containers for food with an overfilled garbage can carefully tuck into the corner, laziness I suppose. There were also desks with abandoned homework, dead plants which added a creepy atmosphere, and what seemed like a makeshift kitchen with an old empty cooler and a raised box filled with snacks.

The warehouse was also filled with pranking materials and sketched plans for them, I could even see remnants of the bottle rockets, the entire area boomed with a sense of childlike wonder and energy.

The letter was on the center table on the chess set, the letter had instead of the normal chibi Ouma, instead had all of what I assumed to be the DICE members, in what seemed like short comic strips of incidents that took place inside of this warehouse, making me laugh slightly.

**_Dear Saihara~_ **

**_Welcome to DICE’s secret headquarters! Do you like it? Hopefully because if you made it this far it's time for you to join! But you do need to join since I invited you here, the members will murder you if you don’t at this point to protect the secret. Sorry :D_ **

What? 

**_Do you want to join Saihara? I mean you must be somewhat interested and it will be useful to have a detective in our ranks. The police would never be able to catch me again >:D_ **

I don't know...this was a different mood from what I was expecting.

**_Just kidding I know Saihara chan won't join. I just wanted to talk about DICE since you're going to meet them before you see me again._ **

**_So I thought I should prepare you so you don't embarrass me by fainting when you meet them. I have a high standard for friends you know._ **

**_So first we got Riko. Riki. Tik Tok. That last one wasn't me that was Takura. She was on a sugar rush every single day and even more childish than I am. I'm not childish though >:(_ **

Sure the supreme leader of an evil secret organization isn’t.

**_She was cheerful, like a cheerleader always encouraging us to do our best but was very gullible, you could convince her anything was true. Ok maybe she was a little dumb, she also did a lot of photography I still have some of her stuff under my bed of the photos she took. She always seemed to want to take pictures of happy memories._ **

**_Then we got Eiji. He's...ok his idea of fun is only a notch above watching paint dry, bet you’re wondering how he got in then right? Well, he also can bake. His desserts are just as good as Tojo's! He's pretty dull compared to Riko emotion wise but...he has his moments._ **

**_Next is Mirai. Sleep master, that’s the one whose nickname I stole, by middle school she had transformed into a middle finger machine and she flipped off everyone. She played a lot of video games but also was an art nerd. She was responsible for 90% of the spray paints you probably saw along the way. She was a pretty nice person but if she heard you saying that she would slap you._ **

**_Ok, maybe she isn't nice._ **

I laughed out loud reading these descriptions.

**_Then we got Nao. Our loveable fat guy and you better know he’s proud of the way he looks. A complete and utter drama queen, and overreacts to everything around him. He calls everyone a traitor whenever we steal his snacks and he and Mirai were always insulting each other. He likes playing video games and tries to be a comedian. Keyword tries. He's fun to mess with._ **

**_Then we got Takura. He was almost as dense as a rock. He didn't have a great love for food. By that I mean he didn't eat. He was a major anime nerd, he practically worshipped anime and if anyone came between him and his anime you're dead. He’s kind though, a bit on the shy side but loyal you could always depend on him._ **

**_Genkei. He just joins in for the ride. Whatever we are doing he will just go with it. He bounces off everyone and I can't believe how much he just takes and is like: that's fine. He’s like that cool bartender in the movies, and unexpectedly wise despite his age._ **

**_Takashiro. He is a dumbass. A total fucking dumbass. Still, I love him, he's a giant like Gokuhara and even though he is clumsy as heck and not that great in the brain department he's like everyone's older brother. I wish he was my older brother._ **

**_Next is Kazue. Kazue was done with our shit the second he met us. You know Grumpy from Snow White-yeah here he is. He's super serious and is always trying to hold us back from our most stupid prank ideas. He cares. But the day he will show that is the day we all die. He also wants to be a fashion designer, he is the one who made all of DICE’s uniforms and my scarf._ **

**_Tsuki, she’s the hippie anxiety-ridden bookworm. She’s the so-called innocent flower child of the group, she doesn’t understand most adult jokes, and acts like a mother to the group, and gently scolds us. She also is the only reason that the DICE headquarters is not as wrecked as it is. She may not be very vocal with her opinion but she does have a backbone when push comes to shove. Maybe you'll get along with her social anxiety cause it reminds me of a certain someone._ **

**_Finally Chiasa. Chi. She was happy to go lucky, her laugh was similar to a pig snort it was hilarious. She also had a very bad temper, like get her mad and she would scold you to near death! She also can’t cook to save her life, and not very book smart, but she is street smart so that’s a plus. She was my right-hand lady in almost everything to do with DICE, and practically my clone if not for her lack of lies, instead she’s pretty honest and open. She was like the sister I never had._ **

**_Well, that was DICE, ready to meet them Saihara?_ **

I'm concerned about how they will feel about your descriptions of them. But when I pictured Ouma’s friends I always thought they would be copies of him, but I guess I should have taken our friendship as an example that he could get along with more than one type of person.

**_Well too bad you have another letter before that. And...I don't know if I like what the next one is going to say._ **

**_I'm giving you a riddle Saihara and a little extra inside the envelope._ **

**_Head down into hell till you see the crumbling fort._ **

**_See yeah Saihara, I...I don't know anymore._ **

**_From,_ **

**_Kokichi Ouma_ **

My optimism died when I realized what he had given me was a key. 


	12. Letter Twelve

**Saihara’s POV:**

**_Head down into hell till you see the crumbling fort._ **

I held the golden key in my hands, it was small and seem to have rusted over or been scratched. Itched onto the keyhole was the number six, which was probably his room number.  _ Is he taking me to his house? _

Head down...maybe he means south? With some minor reluctance, I decided on a whim to head down the street looking for any clues that could help me find Ouma’s apartment complex. Yet the farther I went the more I couldn’t help but question why Ouma would even give me a key to his house.

_ He would need to go home every day right? Regardless of whether or not he attends school anymore...but if he doesn’t need this key does that mean he has a spare? Does this mean this is the final letter? How could Ouma ever time my arrival to his house anyway? This has to be the last one, the one where I finally see him again… _

_ Because if he isn’t home if he never comes back home then… _

**_He might never come home._ **

I had never gone to Ouma’s house before, maybe that makes me a bad friend but for us, we never went to the other’s home. Maybe it’s because the library had provided more than enough fun for the two of us, or because Ouma had held out hope for so long I would come and explore more of the city with him only for me to continually disappoint him, but now that finding his house was the only way to see him again I wish I had come over to visit at least once.

Eventually, an old apartment building stood out, the walls were crumbling and it set off an uneasiness for my body, however, what caught my eye was the large flag that hung from one of the windows, one waving with undoubted pride. It was the DICE flag.

I headed inside the building when an overwhelming smell of alcohol and cigarettes made me want to gag but I pressed onwards and up the stairs till I reached the apartment.

I stopped just short of the door. That door that had chipped marks and signs of an attempted break-in, one that’s six were lopsided, one that made the key look pristine in comparison. My feet were like lead and I couldn’t help but feel fear once again consumed me.

_ Why? Why am I so nervous? It's just a door I'll head right in... _

I unlocked the door and walked inside. 

What caught me first was the smell, it smelled of mold and a foul taste of cigarettes filled the air, the entire home seemed to be covered in a layer of dust which escaped now through the open door. The whole place was covered in trash ranging from taking out foods to discarded homework, the kitchen looked unused and yet it hadn’t escaped a large pile of dirty dishes, and some furniture was torn or toppled over.

I looked around for the letter careful to not tip over any of the piles of trash, there were only two rooms in the apartment, one was Ouma’s parent’s room and it held strong as the only clean room, yet it also looked unused...the second room was on the opposite side of the house.

It had a small twin-sized bed that had blankets strung around the floor and stuffed to the brim with discarded cards and other little items. The pillow was in the center of the bed and it also adorably had stuffed plush toys in the corner as well. There was also an old bookcase, with mangas and other what seemed to be stolen library books packed into the frames yet was still nowhere close to being full. A school uniform was in the corner and with the utmost respect discarded onto the floor, yet hanging from the window was that flag I had seen. His letter was on the bed, next to a framed photograph as I picked it up curious. 

The photo showed a family of three, with Ouma in the center of the photo. He looked about eight in this photo and he had that trademark smile, he was also wearing his school uniform. Resting a hand on Ouma’s shoulder was a short man with light blue hair, square-framed glasses, and a very stern expression. He seemed like a businessman, on the other side was a woman with a long flowing dress and high heels yet she barely reached the height of her husband, she had Ouma’s hair and eye color with her hair tied into a strong bun. She copied her husband’s stern expression yet also seemed tired it was kind of shocking to think that these were Ouma’s parents.

I turned away from the photo and picked up the letter, this letter almost had no drawings on it but instead had his bedroom drawn onto the front side.

**_Dear Saihara~_ **

**_Welcome to hell! Or my house. The name hell suits it don’t you agree? Don't worry about anyone coming in by the way._ **

**_No one's coming._ **

I didn't like the sound of that...

**_I've been living by myself actually for the past year. Which sucks cause I had to get a job to pay for all that panta D:_ **

**_Also, rent but meh._ **

That doesn't sound nice. I don't live with my parents either but still...I had my uncle. But Ouma was all by himself, and where were his parents if not here? And he still technically should have a legal guardian if he’s going to school? There’s too much that doesn’t make sense.

**_My parents are just gone, not like the missing kind. Just gone. I guess it sucks, but it's not that bad. I get to get away with a lot of stuff because no one can tell me not to anymore. I don’t have to have a curfew anymore Saihara! No one can tell me to eat healthy food anymore! No one can tell me what to study or how to feel or who I’m supposed to be! I’m free! :D_ **

_ Ouma... _

**_Except for report card stuff. But I learned to forge a signature by now and no one who lives here really cares about how there’s a teen living by themself as long as I pay rent and don’t break the washing machine._ **

**_I'm worried that you won't ever read this letter because I'll lose my apartment. I had to ask my landlord to help me and strangely enough, they agreed._ **

**_So if you did get my letter from her...well let me just describe the home sweet home._ **

**_Hell._ **

**_There we go I'm done now_ **

**_Ok, I'll give you a bit more. My parents used to scream a lot, I think they’re good people, but the thing is they’re not good for each other and not afraid to tell each other that. So is it sad to say I'm ok with them being gone?_ **

**_Honestly, it's a lot quieter now and I appreciate that. No one is throwing anything and I can sleep at night without having to push my dresser in front of the door so they can't break through my door._ **

**_I don't have to cover my ears just to get some sleep. It's just quiet. And that's perfect for me, also that means if my friends can come over they don’t need to be scared anymore. That’s the great thing about DICE, we don’t ask questions and they sometimes help me clean up the whole place which is good._ **

His friends sound nice.

**_Just so it's clear my parents never hit me. That doesn't mean I didn't learn a lot of colorful words but they didn't hurt me. They never tried to at least, or maybe they didn’t think they did._ **

**_Man, this is getting depressing huh? Luckily I don't have much to talk about them anyway._ **

**_My Dad is an enigma to me, he just wasn’t here long enough and even with the time, we did have I barely have memories of him. He was gone by the time I was ten and my Mom left me just recently. I never really talked to them._ **

**_We just always end up fighting if we tried to talk so I don't know if we had anything in common. I think my dad also liked panta and my mom was a workaholic. There we go, gosh I know them so well :D_ **

That's all?

**_They were stressed people though, as you can tell from my house we weren’t exactly rich. My parents had a failing business, it was clear to anyone but them it would never work, but well it put food on the table I guess._ **

**_But that’s it. I wish I knew more, to be honest, I want to be able to tell you more. I’m supposed to be living with my aunt and her family now, but since I was already almost an adult we agreed not to, they don’t like me much it wasn’t hard to convince them. So instead they just sign any school paperwork I need them to and come to the occasional conference, I pay for my living expenses with my cash, and she every once and a while helps chips in for school expenses and medical bills._ **

**_I feel like I've been writing these letters for hours now. It kind of hurts to think of these things, I don’t like having to write these things Saihara Chan, but I think I need to. It’s too late to stop now if you are reading because I owe you an ending right?_ **

_ But will I like this ending? _

**_How long have you been looking? Not that long right? I doubt it would take you long for any of these letters because you’re one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met._ **

**_So I need to meet more people :D_ **

**_I need you to do something before the next letter though, I don't have any money to pay you for this...sorry. But I need someone to do this._ **

**_Just get some flowers, white ones are cliche though so maybe not those._ **

**_Here's your riddle,_ **

**_Where time stops._ **

**_I'll see you soon huh? Kind of excited thinking about it. Seeing you again, I’ve missed you Shumai. I have even if you don’t believe me. See you soon Saihara Chan._ **

**_From,_ **

**_Kokichi Ouma_ **

_ See you soon Ouma… _

__


	13. Letter Thirteen

**Saihara’s POV:**

I trudged through the block, flowers in hand. I decided on some violets after Ouma specifically requested I didn’t pick up any white flowers. I gazed out at the cloudy sky threatening rain but I wouldn’t stop now.

**_Where time stops._ **

I didn’t want to think about the meaning of this riddle, and I cursed myself when the answer came so easily, I wanted it to be a struggle, I wanted a delay from the truth. Because...if I am going to the cemetery...and Ouma did ask me to bring flowers... _ does that mean I’m already too late? _

Ignoring the pit in my stomach I marched on, even though my feet dragged me behind as if made from lead as I stared at the small cemetery. Even if Ouma never mentioned it by name I knew this was the place...maybe it was just a feeling but it was as if Ouma was by my side pointing these places out for me.

The walls around the area were cracked and most of the grass was dead, the landscaping also looked like it was rushed. I looked around the tombs curiously for the letter seeing it on the wall held down by a rock, it was already wet from dew.

Drawn on were four figures, wearing the DICE uniform waving goodbye behind them seemed to be the sun, but a hand was reaching out from the corner towards the figures in what might have been desperation. 

**_Dear Saihara~_ **

**_Did you buy the flowers? Thanks if you did. I guess I'll tell you about why you needed to now._ **

**_Some of DICE are dead._ **

I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath till I read that line and with guilt, I breathed out a sigh of relief. 

**_Chiasa, Mirai, Riko, and Takura. Sucks for Tsuki heh she's the only girl left, who can she complain about her period to now heh? She looks like she’s a poster girl for a harem anime now_ **

**_Genkei misses Takura, his comedy buddy. Takura was the most recent as of right now...heh...it's fine. He didn’t suffer long, and Genkei always comes back to us eventually._ **

I felt my heart sinking. Ouma's friends were gone. The handwriting also was squiggly suggesting Ouma was shaking while writing this.

**_Chiasa was the first, about seven years ago now. It came out of the blue, one moment someone is smiling and seemingly happy and the next you’re watching her family placing her urn. We weren't ready at all. Most of us had only just turned ten years old, none of us knew how to handle our grief over the loss._ **

**_We lost her pig snort and her thirst for blood when we insulted her horrible cooking. Even now writing this I'm looking for her to break in and say: I make the best food ever what are you talking about?_ **

**_She never did. She burned sushi. She set cereal on fire. I miss that weirdo._ **

**_Then came Riko. A decent four years after Chiasa. It's sad to say we were more prepared as it was a lot longer than Chiasa's sudden demise. So by the time Riko did die...we were more or less ready._ **

**_But watching that...we just had to sit by her side as we watched our close friend slowly crumble was painful to watch. How every day she lost more of her strength, how she lost her ability to walk, then her hands, then her voice...a lot of optimism died with her._ **

**_We didn't have her just laughing and smiling at everything anymore. How she was obsessed with taking what seems like thousands of photos, her origami flooding our base...I don't know if it was genuine, that smile. Or maybe she was putting on a brave face those last weeks._ **

**_I can't help but think about Mirai and how she dealt with it. She never talked till her death only weeks later. She made murals for the first time, like the one she made at our school and the one in the underground...it was strange seeing her so focused._ **

**_I remember though, how she drew like mad. Thousands of sketches seem to flood from her, she didn’t cry, she didn’t even take care of herself unless someone forced her, I still have that last picture she drew. It was the only portrait she ever did in her life, and it was of Riko._ **

**_She was holding that portrait when they found her dead. I think it was the grief that got her, the day before she died though, I was the one who heard her final words. See you later alligator._ **

**_I didn't say it then so I will now: in a while crocodile._ **

**_At least we still had her murals to look at all around the city to remember her. A lot of people seemed to have liked her work so I guess she kind of had a legacy. I don’t know if she intended to do that, but it gives me some comfort knowing she won’t ever be forgotten, not completely._ **

**_As of writing, this Takura went a little bit after our fight last year. It was quick. No preparing or anything. Just one second someone is there arguing how Juvia from fairy tail is the best waifu then...I don't know where they went._ **

**_Heaven? Hell? Some kind of weird otaku afterlife where he’s a shonen protagonist? Reincarnation? Genkei joked that we will all reincarnate into barnacles when we die._ **

**_He doesn't joke anymore. Doesn't do much other than saying we need better tea, to be honest. Though he isn't wrong the kind we have is cheap but no one can go to the store right now and get us anything decent!_ **

**_Saihara please...all we want is some macha...anything other than that cheap green tea from the supermarket I beg of you._ **

How can he joke right now? How did he just jump from talking about his dead friends to jokes about needing better tea? 

That's how Ouma deals with pain, isn't it? He layers on jokes and masks to deal with pain. His friends died recently and none of us noticed his grief or his loss in any way, shape, or form. No one reached their hand out towards him or was there for him.  _ I  _ should have been there.

He just carried all that pain inside of him and it probably destroyed him.

**_So you got the flowers? Ok, do me a solid I know the place is huge but they're all here, but unfortunately, I can’t visit anymore._ **

**_None of us can._ **

**_I guess I kind of turned you into a little errand boy. Sorry, Saihara. On the bright side, you have the undying love of all of DICE. They gave me a grocery list when they saw I was writing to you. I'll spare you for now :D_ **

**_The keyword is, for now, they still have the list and will shove it in your face the second you come over. That isn't a lie._ **

**_We love you Saihara, don't let us down._ **

Tea? I’ll get you as many as I can find if you would just tell me where you are right now.

**_You're probably bored huh? Fine. I'll give you the sweet reward. After all...I'm telling you where I am in the next letter. To make it even better, that letter is also here in the cemetery._ **

**_You probably thought you would never make it. Nope. The next is just for context as for why I'm where I am. Not even going to give you riddles anymore._ **

**_I just want to see you._ **

**_So once you're done placing the flowers look at one of the graves I placed the letter there._ **

**_Chiasa Jin_ **

**_Riko Sanyu_ **

**_Mirai Masako_ **

**_Takura Danuja_ **

**_That’s their full names, but well we don’t use those if I’m going, to be honest. My friends as I just don’t get formalities._ **

**_I wanted to...please say hi to the old gang for me. Ok?_ **

**_Won't be long now._ **

**_From,_ **

**_Kokichi Ouma_ **

I’ll see you soon Ouma.


	14. Letter Fourteen

**Saihara’s POV:**

The rain seemed to recognize my despair as it fell methodically, the sun was already reaching its end for the day and I never even noticed, a whole nother day had gone by and yet I felt it had barely been an hour. Still...I glanced back at Ouma’s letter and brushed away my tears as I did what I could do for him now in the present, because I didn’t listen to him then I’m going to do what he says now.

I took my time, mainly out of respect placing all the flowers on those old tombs, these graves even though Ouma had told me he didn’t get to visit often, still looked cared for and visited frequently despite the years since their passing. As if in a sense that wound never started to heal at all, or maybe Ouma just still thought he owed it to those he called the family to take care of them even after death.

I was scared about the fact I didn’t know how they died, from the words Ouma said it sounded like an illness took two of them away from him, but was it the same for the rest? How much do I still not know? 

Along the way, I noticed a grave for Ouma's parents. It was the same plot, and unlike DICE’s graves, these had been neglected. They had both died. Ouma was an orphan. He never outright said it in the letters. 

Ouma's life was a lot more than jokes, pranks, and that happy-go-lucky attitude I thought he always had, yet such a strength to keep moving forward with the cruel hand life had dealt him.

I couldn’t help but admire and love him even more for that.

I placed the final flower at the last grave for Jin, there on the plaque hidden among the wilted flowers was his letter. It wasn’t even really hidden and for the first time, there was no design or extravagance to this letter, just the number fourteen.

I opened the letter, I didn’t even know what kind of desperation and bated breath I had been holding as I saw my own trembling hands struggling to open it. I skimmed its content, reading it at the speed of light desperate for answers as to where Ouma was.

....

...

..

I ran down the road as fast as I could.

**_Dear Saihara~_ **

**_Have you ever wondered what happens when we die?_ **

_ How could I have been so stupid? He left so many hints as to what happened. And I was so stupid. _

**_I never really thought about it before. I mean it's not like I'm trying to avoid it. I just didn't think about it till I saw it._ **

People were staring at me as I ran as if I had gone insane, I didn’t care anymore though about the stares or judgment. I didn’t care about my ruined clothes and shoes, or how my hair was messed beyond repair, I didn’t care about anything anymore as I felt my heart racing and struggling to keep moving with such intensity.

**_Is it quick? Do we even go anywhere afterward or is it nowhere? Do I just not exist anymore?_ **

I nearly tripped over my feet who knows how many times, the water and puddles from the rain were laughing at me coldly, throwing more obstacles on the last hurdle but I didn’t care anymore.

**_I never told you how I met DICE did I? We met in the hospital. We were a sickly bunch of kiddos. And we bonded over the common cause, we wanted cookies but the nurses said no._ **

This wasn't fair. None of this was fair, why? Why did this have to happen?

**_Eventually, I was released. It was always like that. A few of us were released at a time and every day we would keep the others company in the hospital and bring them stuff from the outside like sweets. We formed DICE for a mutual friendship and benefit._ **

These letters had started so innocently. So childish, and it only grew darker and darker and darker and now it finally led to this.

**_And every day was a lot of fun. I was the only one who was ever healthy enough to go to school for the majority of the time. They had homeschooling. They always asked me about what it was like...I guess that's when I learned to lie._ **

He would always lie. To everyone...and that hurts more...I just want to find them.

**_I always lied. And those lies kept growing. It was pretty sad cause slowly my friends couldn't even leave the hospital. They were just inside there. They never told me about how much they hated it. They just kept asking me about what my life was like. I wish I could have told them more positive things._ **

**_Well guess I did, but they were all lies._ **

I felt the rain coming back and it started pouring as I ran in between people the rain making my hair stick to my face.

**_When they heard about you I kid you not they asked if I had a crush on you. Takura and Nao started an OTP with the stories from when we were hanging out. Mind breaking Nao's heart for me? About how you'll never love a liar like me._ **

I could barely see anything with the rain and my whole body was growing numb from the cold of the rain.

**_A few months ago I went to the doctors and they told me something very...problematic. Some of my childhood diseases had come back with a vengeance and since I couldn't afford the treatments since I was only living off my parent’s inheritance and my small part-time job...well it only got worse. Can you say it wasn't expected? I guess it's my fault for thinking it wouldn't end up like this huh?_ **

Why world?! Why do you do this to truly kind-hearted people?! Why does everything have to go wrong sometimes?

**_I passed out during work. I was trying to earn enough money to get treatment so I got more jobs skipped school to get that money...and you can probably guess what happened. I can't even move anymore Saihara...heh....isn't it hilarious?_ **

Why couldn't this have been a joke?

**_DICE is trying to be there for me since I'm hospitalized again. Pure charity is keeping me alive Saihara. And even then I'm losing. So that's where I am Saihara. I'm in the hospital slowly dying just like everyone before me. I'm next. So if you want to...can I say goodbye in case this is the end?_ **

I ran into the hospital.

**_No? Thanks anyway._ **

**_From,_ **

**_Kokichi Ouma_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “He who fears he will suffer, already suffers because he fears.”


	15. Letter Fifteen

**Saihara’s POV:**

I felt like a zombie. The water in my clothes weighed me down as I asked for Ouma's room number at the reception and I walked up the stairs. Each step felt like a stab, and each step confirmed the horrible nightmare. 

Ouma is dying. 

The whole ward quiet except for the sound of machines beeping in the distance, the sterile smell filled the air as I passed through rooms of patients and doctors.

Ouma doesn’t belong in a place like this.

Eventually, I came into a hallway and saw a bunch of patients in the hospital gowns sitting outside a door. Some were in wheelchairs or had IV's and they all looked frail as if they could break in a second. They had similar expressions of dread on their faces and eyes of despair.

That door belonged to Ouma.

This is DICE.

One with purple hair and round glasses saw me, she immediately had tears in her eyes as she seemed to whisper something to herself before she ran over and held onto me for dear life, her legs were shaking and I froze paralyzed.

"A-are you Saihara?" She asked tears in her eyes and I quickly nodded and before another word they ushered me towards the door, however, stopped the girl and looked me directly in the eye with a serious expression.

"Hey...don't mess with the boss got it?" he threatened, "I won't" I promised. He looked at me as if he was judging whether or not I was lying before they allowed me into the room and closed the door. I turned over to look at him.

His skin was so pale and mottled with blue and purple patches I couldn't imagine how it was possible. His hair had gone thin and oily and seemed to stick to his forehead along with some of the tips going white from stress. His arms were bony and frail something told me he hadn't been eating much.

Maybe he couldn’t eat anymore.

He had a pained expression, which meant whatever pain medication they had given him through the IV still wasn’t enough to take it away completely, as the oxygen mask around his mouth kept foaming, and machines were attached to help him eat. He had deep eye bags that seemed more like sinking holes, hollowed cheeks, and his fingernails seemed to be cracked. The monitors beeping synchronized saying he was alive.

His face didn't have any of that joyful energy I usually expected as I pulled up in a chair next to him. He was fast asleep,  _ good...he needs it. _

"Hi, Ouma..." I greeted. He didn't even open his eyes or respond. I wonder if he could tell I was there? Could he hear me?

"I found you...I didn't cheat I promise...I read all your letters...and I'm going to come every day and visit you...and if...and when you get better everything’s going to change ok?" I told him. I felt tears forming, "so just focus on getting better alright?" I begged him.

He gave me no response. Just the chill of the hospital and the oxygen machine running his heart monitor assuring me he was still alive.

"I'm sorry, for the fight by the way...and all those awful things I said...about how I never should've met you...I take it all back.

"You are one the greatest people I ever met in my life. And I don't want this to be the end.

"Please drive me crazy with your jokes again, tell a thousand lies leaving me wandering around in the labyrinth you always seem to create. Make me buy you and your organization tea every single day...wake up and tease me for how flustered I get.

"I need you Ouma. I can't even imagine life without you...so when the time comes to wake up...please wake up" I begged, I didn't even notice I was crying.

I squeezed his hand tightly, and for all, it was worth Ouma's expression softened at the touch.

"You won't ever get hurt again, I promise...I'm going to protect you ok?" I promised. "So please...get better" I repeated as I tightened my grip on the boy I never imagined growing so close to.

“You...did come” a weak voice called out as my eyes widened in shock as I saw Ouma facing me, his tired eyes barely meeting mine, “of course I came, how could I not come?” I told him with a forced laugh.

“I’m...I’m sorry,” he told me, “shush not another word, you might have set off those rockets but it was  _ my  _ fault for not listening to your side of the story, I’m the one who allowed our friendship at the time to end. So don’t you dare blame yourself ok? I’m the one who needs to be sorry” I told him.

“I shouldn’t have…” he started to argue but I just shook my head, “you were trying to help. I understand now, and...I forgive you” I told him, and he seemed to question if I was lying before a small smile and tears showed on his face.

“You said our friendship at the time...does that mean we’re friends again…?” Ouma asked, I nodded smiling, “you’re one of my best friends Ouma unless you don’t want to be mine anymore. Which I would understand” I told him. 

Ouma put on his mischievous grin, “I guess I can take you back…” he joked as tears of joy ran down my cheek, "it's...kind of hard to stay awake...heh..." he joked, "but...I couldn't leave without just one more letter..." he mumbled as he dug out a small letter from his pillow. My eyes widened.

"Mind reading that for me...sorry I led you on a wild goose chase" he apologized. I felt newfound sorrow spreading across my face along with horror, "I'm sorry...for everything" he whispered, his voice barely being audible. Guilt froze me in place as I felt true fear spread through my spine.

"No...I'm sorry," I said, "that I couldn't be here sooner for my best friend," I said "We're friends...” he repeated with a dreamy expression on his face “I'm glad...thanks for playing the game Saihara...you won," he finally said barely even keeping his head up anymore.

"It's fine...it was fun...heh I'm glad I got to see you," I told him, he nodded as his eyes finally fluttered shut and I held my breath and Ouma fell back asleep.

I glanced at the letter he had handed to me, it didn’t even have the number fifteen on it...I glanced back at the sleeping boy and decided against reading it. Because...why should I read that when he’s still here with me? 

_ Please...please just stay with me. _

~-~-~

"Hey...we didn't know if you liked coffee or tea...so we kind of got both," a boy said walking in and sitting next to me. He had long blonde shaggy hair and was leaning against an IV for support. Is it sad to say he seemed to be one of the strongest?

"Thanks" I mumbled sipping some, it had been three days since I finally found Ouma and he hadn’t woken up once since that first day. The other member sat down in the chair next to me as he fumbled with his IV drip readjusting it, "He talks about you a lot...he said you were a detective is that true?" He asked. I laughed, "no my family owns an agency, I'm just an apprentice...that's just Ouma's nickname for me," I told him.

"I knew it! Though when you came you had everyone fooled! We only hid the first letter a week ago and you found him so quick, we expected a month at least" he admitted.

If I was meant to feel the pride I didn't as I stared at Ouma, who was meant to be a prize for the game he had made ahead of me. It would only be a prize if he lived.

"Sorry I don't know your name..." I realized "my name is Genkei...Fujioka Genkei...just call me Genkei," he told me.

Genkei. The one who recently lost his best friend.

"I'm sorry for your loss..." I mumbled, "so he told you about the rest?" He asked and I nodded.

"He isn't the first to do the letter game..." Genkei told me, "we used to hide toys around the hospital, and we would leave clues in letters to find them from each other...before Chiasa died she did those letters where we searched for letters addressed to all of us" Genkei recalled.

"Her final words, telling us it was going to be ok...that she was preparing hell to acknowledge their rightful rulers heh..." he laughed.

"It then became our morbid tradition...when it's the end we write letters for everyone to give them hope when we can't anymore...Kokichi gets to play the game now I guess" he joked and I noticed he was crying.

"I hate this fucking game, with every single bone in my body, I would be happy if I never had to see another letter ever again," he said bitterly.

"He asked us to hide his letters for you...so we all broke out and hid them everywhere he asked us to...and when we came back he couldn’t even leave his bed anymore..." Genkei recalled.

"Ouma would be happy knowing you did this for him, thank you for helping me find him" I assured him, "I just...I don't want to say goodbye again..." Genkei sobbed, "I don't want a new leader...I don't want us all to die..." he confessed to me.

"I don't want to have death keep stealing the people I love away from me and being powerless to stop it! Why can't it ever be me? I've been slowly dying from cancer since I was six and I'm still alive at sixteen! Even when the cancer was gone I still got sick! And of course, it had to come back!" He yelled.

"I just want one thing...for him...and everyone else to be together again..." he admitted. I patted his back as he wiped away his tears.

"But...I don't want him to suffer anymore...I know he already hid the letters meant for us when we left...so it’s soon..." he admitted.

My eyes widened, "no...he can't...he can't die..." I whispered to myself, "the machines are only prolonging...it’s inevitable at this point...the doctors gave him a month left over three weeks ago..." Genkei told me.

_ No.  _

_ No.  _

_ He can't die...he can't… Why? Death...how could you be so cruel? _

"But he's only seventeen..." I mumbled, "and Chiasa was only ten. Death doesn't care," he told me with strong resentment. 

“It’s rude to talk about someone’s death...you know…” a voice called out, the two of us quickly snapped to attention to see Ouma barely away. He was still smiling before he turned to Genkei as I saw tiny tears dotted in his eyes, “can...can you get everyone...real quick?” he asked. He said it so sweetly but Genkei and I both knew what this was.

_ Ouma is going to die. _

And he wanted DICE there with him.

Genkei didn’t hesitate as he quickly ran out of the room and my heart was crumbling apart as he stared at something across the room, “Ouma?” I said with a trembling voice.

“She’s so tiny now...since when was I tall…?” he laughed and I didn’t miss his tiny winces of pain, my heart dropped to my chest.  _ Please...please don’t go yet… there are so many things I haven’t told you Ouma...you can’t...you can’t die on me… _

Quickly the members filed into the room, all wearing matching faked smiles as they quickly shut the door behind them, in my guess to keep out well-meaning nurses and doctors from insisting Ouma couldn’t have such a large group in his room.

“Hey, guys…” Ouma greeted but winced slightly at how it must have sounded to him as well, the DICE members pretended not to notice this and continued those fake smiles.

“Hey leader” a tall redhead greeted, I could only freeze in place.  _ How can they stand there? How are they not panicking? They’re smiling...smiling for him, even though they know even more than me how this will destroy them. _

Ouma seemed to be with every fleeting moment fighting falling back asleep as if he knew that if he did he likely wouldn’t wake up again and instead continued to make eye contact the best he could with all in the room. 

“I don’t need to say why...why I got you guys right? I have smart friends right..?” he asked jokingly. A tall member didn’t even make eye contact with him "we're here to honorably discharge you," he said.

"Aww we know you guys will never get rid of me, I'm too loveable" he joked, fighting the urge to go back to sleep, his attempt at humor only seemed to drag the group further down but they forced a few chuckles.

"We can only hope" the redhead joked and weak laughter was exchanged, "at least you got Saihara to bring you tea..." Ouma told them.

"Yeah, thanks..." the girl from the start mumbled, "hey...I'm not going to die...ok?" Ouma told them struggling as he raised his pinkie signaling a pinkie promise.

"I'm just going to take a nap ok? Heh...you guys can rest after that whenever ok?" I told them, "but we aren't dying" he instructed them.

"Promise?" he asked feeling his eyes were filled with slight desperation, and even in his final moments of being able to speak he still was looking after this group. He needed them to make this promise if he could ever rest. They nodded as they inserted their pinkies into the mix.

"DICE will never die," one, "damn right..." Ouma laughed looking over at me, it seemed his mask slipped slightly as I could truly see the fear on his face of his impending fate.

“This...is a bad prize huh…?” he asked as I laughed dryly, “I got to see you though didn’t I?” I asked him he smiled at that but didn’t answer.

"You don't have to smile you know...can't you show us yourself one last time?" Genkei asked. Ouma chuckled, "it’s part of my charm," he told him, "Takura said he'll see you later..." he yawned. Genkei looked horrified as he seems to fall apart as he covered his eyes due to the tears.

With those last words all of Ouma’s remaining strength had faded and it was clear even though his eyes were still open he couldn’t see us anymore, as if he was looking at a place we could only imagine. Genkei sighed regaining his composure.

"Goodbye leader...we'll go to bed soon too...sayonara" Genkei mumbled.

_ … _

Ouma fell asleep that day.

The next day he couldn’t speak anymore.

Then he couldn’t smile anymore.

Then he didn’t wake up anymore.

~-~-~

**Ouma’s POV:**

The land was covered in flowers. It seemed to be a meadow of sorts as I sat next to the river. The stream was so clean, I had never seen water like that before, there weren’t any fish and instead just a small path across with small stones. I tapped the water and despite all logic, it didn’t even feel cold, the other side just seemed to call for me...

_ Why don't I just cross it? _

The other side was blanketed in fog and I could hear a voice on the other side calling for me. The closer I got to the river the calmer and more relaxed I felt.

This side was pain, the other calm. I headed towards it when I saw her flowing red hair, blowing in the wind reminding me of fire. “You sure did take your time” Chiasa joked, “you can afford to wait” I responded smiling.

She gave me a small wave gesturing me over as I noticed three other figures also waving at me, "KOKICHI! I MISSED YOU! HURRY UP!" Riko called, "don't say that it's like asking for him to join us" Mirai scolded hitting the back of her head. "But I do?" Riko said confused and Mirai groaned, nonetheless holding Riko's hand. Takura just snorted as I laughed too at their antics.

Finally, I took a deep breath, I could feel a lifetime’s worth of regrets and lost dreams inside of me, and yet there was a strange sense of fulfillment as well for the things I had done. It wasn’t enough, but I had done something.

_ This isn't fair. I lived only to suffer till I died. What kind of life is that? _

_ It wasn't fair...but I think I'm ok with it ending today...I just want DICE to be happy...and Saihara... _

_ As long as they are...I'm fine. _

I turned over and saw the river again as I crossed it as they embraced me and we headed towards a beaming light.

_ -/-/-/- _

**_Dear Saihara~_ **

**_I lied. I had one last letter for you. Did I get to see you before I had to go? I hope I did but if not that's ok it isn't your fault._ **

**_I'm glad I got to meet you, and that you even managed to find this letter is amazing. I wish I could have stayed around longer with you._ **

**_I was the jerk so if it took you a while to find this letter though that's fine. I just wanted to say thanks._ **

**_I don't have long paragraphs for you. No famous last words. I can barely even write this anymore so I guess I should keep it short and sweet._ **

**_I just want you to look after DICE for me ok? They're going to need a new leader to help run the election._ **

**_I don't want them to die all sad and depressed...that wasn't why DICE was made. It was so we could be happy. And I hope they can die happy if that makes sense..._ **

**_You're not allowed to be sad either ok? You made life better for me and I wish we could have played more together._ **

**_That would have been fun._ **

**_Unlike me or DICE you're going to live a long and full life aren't you Saihara? So I hope you make it the best life ever!_ **

**_Tell me all about it when we meet again ok? Thanks...for being my first friend._ **

**_And one of the last. I can barely hold my pen anymore...so for the last time._ **

**_All I want is for you to be happy._ **

**_To live._ **

**_So even if it’s hard...promise me you will ok? Even if it’s scary or hard. Just live...might be hypocritical seeing all I tried to do..._ **

**_But live._ **

**_Goodbye._ **

**_Love,_ **

**_Kokichi Ouma_ **


	16. Dear Ouma

**Dear Ouma,**

**It's been about three years since...since I had to say goodbye to you. I graduated, I swear for a second I could almost see you there joking around with people.**

**Your organization was fun. They're nice people and I'm glad you introduced me to them through your letters.**

**I consider them all my friends...even if they weren't too far behind you. Are you all together and happy?**

**Your legacy, DICE's legacy was remembered well. Your letter telling everyone else the truth at the cafe...asking them to watch over me. Well, they all met your friends.**

**They all seemed to get along, though DICE carried on the tradition of messing with Momota.**

**I've studied hard and am a detective just like you always teased me to be.**

**I'm always working hard. For your sake.**

**I just wanted to thank you Ouma.**

**Thank you for opening yourself up to me, I will never know everything about you but I'm glad you let me see another side of you.**

**Of the real you.**

**I will cherish those letters forever and I promise I will live life to the fullest and tell you all about it. You're an incredible person I had the luck of meeting and I hope you know that.**

**I wish I could have told you that. You were gone as soon as I found you, that isn't fair.**

**Why did all this have to happen? I always wonder why couldn't you have lived. Why did the world not allow me to become friends with you again, and...I don't know what would happen.**

**I wouldn't care where the future went, I just want one with you in it.**

**Thank you, Ouma, for sending me those letters. Thank you for trusting me with your organization...**

**I hope one day I can somehow see you again. Is that crazy? I don't care if it is.**

**I wonder if you can even read this or see me? Was that the kind of paranoia you had? I feel like you are.**

**I was never a big fan of goodbyes.**

**So I'll see you later.**

**Always remembering you,**

**Shuichi Saihara**


End file.
